I was raging about this article this morning. I think this line is the one that really made me want to burn everything down:

Someone else commented that he’s going to be a Burt-like character named Jack.

Wait wait wait go back

There’s a lot of nervousness around the idea of shoving a wad of cotton up into your business

Did anyone else initially think this was their way of announcing she’d had an abortion and they were really happy not to be parents? Because that’s what I thought it was at first and found that to be way more creative and interesting.

How To Clean A Roach-Infested Coffee Maker

“I didn’t call him a pussy, I just gave someone a national stage and let them call him a pussy and made sure everyone heard them, which is totally different.”

Such book candy. I read them all (or at least what had been released at the time) in a few weeks. I would not seriously recommend them to anyone, I’m slightly embarrassed to have read them, but I can’t pretend I didn’t have fun.

Nope. I just have the black one but am seriously considering ordering more in other colors.

How rude.

Or you could get this $34.99 dress from Kohl’s, which is ALSO a wrinkle-free, machine-washable faux-wrap dress and looks better in person than it does on these mildly awkward models. Look, it comes in plus size too!

My family actually never used the term tupperware as a generic growing up. We just said “container.” Like, “could you get a container so I can put the leftovers away?” It wasn’t until I moved across the country for college that I picked it up. Not sure if this is a regional thing (family is from the PNW and southwest)…

I know, I know. I’m sorry. I just like oversharing, okay?

I’m on the right, in light blue. Immediately before this, he was talking like he was in a Western (“this town ain’t big enough for the two of us”) and sent me a snapchat of a black screen with that Western whistley sound playing and some caption I can’t remember. I couldn’t get it to load; he said, “That’s unfortunate…

Deep down, aren’t we all?

Tongue-sticking-out-winky-face emoji is easily one of the LEAST sexy emojis.

WAIT that’s you? I’m learning so many things today.

Ah yes, you’re right, I should have considered that study when I made my original comment.

No worries! That’s what I thought, but then DangerTits made me doubt my interpretation.

I can’t tell if you’re calling me an idiot or the school board.