Oh, believe me, I did. I look like Matilda, but in a good way. I think.

My roommate has a juicer! Maybe a different fad diet every week? And a set list of Great Books to read or something. Learn a new skill?

It's not too late, Jezebel! I'd be willing to be the subject of (or write!) a series following one millennial's attempt to fulfill all possible New Year's Tropes! It's only January 5th—I can still start a fad diet!

Thank you for validating my decision to sign up for OKC last week, Mark. Now can we also get an article about how New Year's Day is the best time to impulsively give yourself bangs? Asking for a friend.

Seriously, this Gaston is the best. (Sounds like the same guy, at least.)

There's a question on OKC that's something like "At the end of your first date, the other person says, 'I love you.' Sweet or creepy?" I give a little extra side-eye to all the Ted Mosbys who say it's sweet.

I'm so torn. On the one hand, Sarah Palin. On the other hand, "anti-beef screamers blogging hate" is probably not a terrible description of PETA. Also, I laughed at this

I mean, I woke up at 7:30 too but then I did what any sane person would do: Went to the bathroom, took some ibuprofen, and went back to sleep until 1:30.

Okay, this is my favorite. I've laughed at the other stories, but this one made me giggle nonstop from about the Icehouse on and it just got better. Even if you don't win, you're a winner in my heart.

I adore this. We would do a smaller version of the last one with my dog growing up every Christmas—we'd buy a whole bunch of tennis balls and let them loose in the living room and the dog would just flip. her. shit. The best.

*reads tag*

I'm kind of indifferent toward this video itself, but let's be real here. I'll click on anything and everything with "baby elephants" in the title. You know me too well, Burt.

I remember my usually-rational mom once warning me about "strawberry quik meth." In retrospect, the appropriate reaction was: Mom, strawberry milk isn't even cool and I have literally never heard anyone call it "Quik." Calm down.

I think Cracked put it well: "Police are warning parents that criminals are planning to hand out pot-laced candy on Halloween, because if there's one thing people love to do with their pot, it's give it away for free in a manner that will immediately attract law enforcement to their homes."

What are you talking about? That's a cat. It may be ugly and kind of moist, but don't insult it by pretending it's something it's not.

Ugh, really? I haven't read any of Trigger Warning (intro or otherwise), but that's super disappointing.

:( Well, if you come up with it tomorrow, you know where to find me. Best of luck with the migraine.

LIKE IT GREW OUT OF HER HEAD. (I mean, she might have purchased parts of it but if so they're now attached for good and the rest of it was hers to start with.) I wish I could dye my hair bright blue. Still wouldn't look as good though, because those are some damn fine curls.

It really is. It looks like she bought it at Target. Not that I don't love Target, but their wigs are not very good.

HOLD THE PHONE YOU GUYS.