Josh Groban, you can filibuster me all day long.

A model train they painted themselves?

Good for Martha! Just because you're over a certain age doesn't mean you can't have a good time! Someone oughta be getting laid around here...

I'm seeing Weird Al in like 4 days at Bonnaroo. I cannot freaking wait.

Dammit, I knew I should have worn the blue sari.

We had to write our own versions of "This is just to say" in one of my high school Lit classes. I can't find the original, but scrawled in my notebook is my own I wrote not to turn in:

Hey now, Waffle House employees are welcome at all my unsupervised parties as long as they bring some hashbrowns, scattered and covered.

"Keep staring bitch. As soon as this press tour is over, Sparkles belongs to ME."

How dare that slut not care about his pathetic single life and only want to talk about HERSELF to someone she just met?

Seriously, I am concerned about this guy. How fucked up do you have to be to blame everyone else for your inability to get a companion? And stating that you need a companion or you'll die? Christ, I should have been dead 20 years ago. He's already blackmailed a woman into sex, he's obviously a rapist with a side of…

I feel like he shops for makeup with shade names like "Jaundice" and "Grilled Squash"

Does that mean I can begin referring to my vagina as "the dead sea scroll"?

I voted for D.A.R.E., but only because I won the essay contest in elementary school, cashed in the savings bond when it matured 15 years later, and bought a fat sack of weed.

You Only Baby Yoby?

I agree, I was in a coed theatre fraternity when I was in school, I had a blast. But the sports frats/sororities at our school...total assholes.

I had a breast reduction when I was 18. I was a 38F, I had to lose about 40 lbs, to prove that it wasn't because I was overweight (my boobs didn't go away). My insurance denied the claim initially because of my age, but I'm 5'4", I weighed 130 lbs after all the weight loss, and had a tiny waist with this huge chest.…