WE HAVE FOUND RAFFEY.

There are really only three absolute etiquette rules for wedding showers:

Was this done by the bride and groom? Usually brides don’t throw their own showers, and it looks like this is coming from someone else who will then deliver the checks.

Not a cake disaster (necessarily)...but after cake was served I had to get up and talk to the Dj about a song my mom wanted. When I came back to the table my cake was gone. The waitstaff cleared it away thinking I was done. I hadn't even taken a bite.

My husband’s ex wrote him a Facebook message the day we announced our engagement saying “So happy for you!!!!! :) :) :)“ but then like twenty minutes later she posted a video of her singing a mash up of a bunch of Taylor Swift songs, including “You Belong With Me” and “Speak Now” the one where Taylor just straight up…

“Because it’s a kilt, it has to be straight down,” he said, according to Smith. “It can’t flare out around your hips. It has to hang straight.”

FOR REAL. The only worse place to propose than someone else’s wedding is someone else’s funeral.

Oh I have the best story about a wedding proposal...

He should have went all the way and just got married right then. I mean, everything was already in place and you’re already an asshole. All kinds of money saved.

I’m usually like this lady with the cocktail.

Where I’m from, it’s common to pin a hundred-dollar bill to the bouquet before the toss (same for the garter). It creates a very different tone and people don’t seem nearly so weirded out by it.

As one of the dwindling contingent of spinsters in my friend group and family, I usually hide in the bathroom. A few years ago at the wedding of one of my best friends, I got dragged out with a bunch of my other single friends. Ultimately, the whiskey convinced me to get out there. I don’t like to lose, and I decided…

... felt unimaginable glee and shame wash over me simultaneously.

I am a content spinster who sits these things out. I always enjoy the look of complete shock on the faces of people when I have some witty reply to their toss shaming me. I am not interested in marriage right now, so why should I go pantomime that I am?

Instead of tossing the bouquet, I handed it to my good friend who was getting married a few months after me, and had everyone toast her and her fiancé. She took the ribbon and little jewel pins from my bouquet and had them incorporated into her bouquet, then did the same thing I did, handed her bouquet off to her…

On the down side, this seems pretty sexist.

YES! And then you get to feel like the “bridezilla” because shit HAS to get done, and someone has to get it done. I’m also the “bad guy” in our wedding-planning relationship.

When I was in high school, I was a foreign exchange student in Germany. While I was studying abroad, I had to attend a wedding of a cousin of the family I was staying with. The reception lasted for 8+ hours, but one of the things I remember was the bride & groom sawing a log in half. It’s a German tradition and it’s…

Maybe hot chocolate lady was allergic to beige?

I file away useful parenting tidbits for when Mr Quickbooks and I will procreate and taking shit back to Walmart in exchange for wine is now on the top of the list. Circled in red.