"So man that really sucks for you bro"

When I was suddenly given a cancer diagnosis, we were stunned. But, I later found out from my mother that he called and told her that she didn't need to worry. He was not ever leaving me and that he would take care of her only child no matter what.

I had an Aunt who rsvp'd under 'dietary restrictions' that not only was she allergic to all gluten (news to the family) but also all perfume and flowers. I wasn't really sure what to do with that information...at a wedding.

My mother. Who took the opportunity during her toast to give my bride my bronzed baby shoes, saying "This is all I have left to give to you of my Gregory. The rest you've already taken for yourself"

Who screwed up my wedding? Writer/Director David Mamet (young folks may know him as Zosia Mamet's father). He was filming a movie in my hometown the day of our wedding.

I didn't want to do this, but he has forced me to bring out the big guns. (deep breath)

We were at the grocery store picking out carrots and whatnot and asked if he was seriously about the marriage thing. He said yes, but whatever. It wasn't a huge deal. So I said, ok, let's get married. He said are you sure, etc etc. I said, yeah. let's get married. Oh, and we need broccoli.

I assume she thought a root beer float was something other than just root beer and ice cream. Or she wanted it served in a monogrammed thermos.

She just had a Crunchy allergy, thats all.

My super awesome mom, after years of working as a successful independent consultant, recently accepted a job as an executive/c-suite level employee at a financial firm. She is the only woman executive. During her first week, another executive told her part of her duties would be to cover the phones when the…

I can cite so many examples of this, but my favorite was the male attorney who asks me to fix the copy machine when it jams. It took me years to finally come up with the proper response, "Ray, I went to the same law school as you, and they still don't offer any office equipment repair classes."

After learning the hard way, here is a list of shit i don't ever do in the office:

Maybe they just think it'll be over then, like one godawful day in the month of feburary to mourn both of them, as opposed to letting it be drawn out. Maybe they need to pick a day to let her go and the only way they can emotionally justify picking a day to let a 21 year old officially pass away is to link the days,…

"1:11 An enigmatic smirk from Marshawn Lynch as he returns to the sideline."

You're thinking of Applebee's.

I've been looking at non-white department store options for my wedding dress and keep clicking on the ones that end up being tagged "mother of the bride." I can't even muster the energy to be offended.

The cops found her with at least three times the legal level of melanin in her system.

What in the holy hell does this mean?

I was complaining to my grandmother about how cold it was and she said