It occurs to me that if you did win the Lottery of Life and actually become Tom's Girlfriend, this shit would get incredibly annoying after a while.

I feel the same way. Except it came out as, "I hate his perfection and want to do dirty things to him..."

That's it I officially hate him and his perfection.

Hiddles literally has done no wrong. I have never ever ever seen him do or say something that was rude, offensive, mean, or generally gross. He apologizes to his fans when he takes too long to sign things. He calls all of his screaming crying fans sweetheart and dear. He is charitable as fuck and he is one hell of an…

I always feel like I'm lying when I say this, but it's the personality. He's charming, funny, intelligent and he seems so very sincere.

I wasn't looking to buy Hiddles' shoes, I was only looking to see if his feet were big. Appears they are.

This amount of money seems insultingly low compared to how much money George Zimmerman gets for his paintings.

I'm sorry. I love my celeb crushes. But spending what amounts to the equivalent of all my consumer debt on a pair of shoes once worn by my celeb crush? No thanks. Although I do imagine the winner doing this:

WhatEVER, Burt.

CUTE DANCING IS CUTE.

I've got a better one.

Polynesian mythology tells us that trying to crawl back into giant vaginas is always a bad idea. It was the downfall of Maui the Trickster, after all:

Let's name it Jessica.

This is the ultimate poop story.

On the one hand, I feel for the guy (okay, that was definitely the wrong expression to use, but I'll just leave it there). On the other hand, the guy is a banker. My Schadenfreude meter is swinging all over the place.

I have no idea how these photos have even been seen, they were simply put on facebook

Oh Jeez, you're telling me a bunch of establishment types failed at trying to be activists? You don't say.

He flipped twice through the book, autographing nearly every photo, pointing out annotations as he wrote.

"Champ, you changed my life," I said.