I’m not 100% sure about the Queen’s opinion, but it’s well-known Charles wants to keep The Royal Family pared down. Anne and Edward and their families seem quite content with that idea. Andrew has major middle child syndrome, though.

Absolutely. Andrew wants them to have all the privileges of being royal (Civil List money, attention, televised weddings) with none of the work. And yeah, here “work” is defined as hosting charity dinners, going abroad to say hello to the former colonies, and cutting ribbons to the new office park with oversized…

I couldn't care less about Eugenie and Jack, but sign me up for tea with his grandma.

Seriously, there’s no down side for the Pats here. Only question is who do they assign to ride his jock all season and get him to fly straight and play out of his mind? I swear it’s going to be Gronk.

Honestly, my biggest question is what is with those damn sweater vests. Did you learn nothing from Belichick? (Ha ha, obviously the answer is no.)

I think that’s something that needs to be shared with the class, not to mention campus police and the administration (not that either of them is likely to be any more helpful than IT was). But he literally advocated for mass murder. The women in the class should know there’s a threat in their midst.

It probably *is* Tomsula, wearing a striped shirt he made by sewing grease rags together with dental floss.

I do sometimes pray for mercy while I’m on the can. We’ve all had those nights.

I’d love to play golf for half an hour too, but I gotta do laundry.

I know he’s garbage and has a lot to ask forgiveness for, but still, I don’t see how prayer time takes more than 10 minutes.

(To be fair, I was raised very Not-Catholic, and our attitude toward prayer was pretty lackadaisical).

I want you to have your own column based on this. Beautiful work, man.

Nah, it’s the ones who talk about their fantasy teams non-stop. At least pornography can involve different scenarios than week after week of “Drew Brees played football and got me X points for it.”

Pukes, slugs, toast, trash, owned? So many options.

This is so goddamn beautiful I might cry.

I, too, am a lady-person and have always hated decorative pillows. If it’s not functional (meaning comfy and large enough to actually cushion my body, instead of half a buttcheek), get it off my couch/bed.*

I bet these kids are all applying to Brandeis.

George is going to spend his adult life barely surviving a strange series of “accidents.”

I was thinking Mike Barnicle, but that’s going in the way-back bullshit machine.

Ooh, that is some wallpaper. Also not a fan of the layout, especially getting from the entrance to the kitchen. I come in the door, I wanna goddamn snack NOW, why are you making me walk all the way around? For $8 million, I want instant fridge access.

I’m always suspicious of any listing that omits kitchen and bathroom pics. I’m like, “Okay, what’s wrong with them, and how much would it cost to fix/renovate?”