I used to not think I was an asshole Pats fan. But I ordered a John Hannah custom Jersey to show I knew about the team’s existence pre-2001. John Hannah retired when I was 4, and the only game I can recall from his career is Super Bowl XX. I barely watched any other football until 2001, except Super Bowl XXXI. Oh, but…

In fugly as hell gladiator sandals. When did those come back in style, and who do I have to punish for it?

Mine eventually cleared up after years, and I think I was a lucky one. It’s mostly managing it: avoiding foods that upset your stomach (which meant I was back to the bland Yankee diet of my forebears... plus sushi), swallowing Tums and Prilosec like candy, sleeping in uncomfortable positions to keep the stomach acid…

Oh, Elizabeth Banks, I have been there before. So many times. Years of chronic gastritis wheeee.

They say love is blind, but really it’s stupid as hell.

Yeah, they should live in a two-bedroom fourth-floor walk-up with an eat-in kitchen (Malia can sleep on the couch when she comes to visit). Just remember, Barry, no grills on the back porch—it’s a fire hazard. Oh, and no dogs—sorry, Bo and Sunny.

Oh yes, I buy all my bras through a UK company. They actually recognize that there are sizes larger than DD!

Oh man, I want to make a coffee joke, but... no.

I’m a G (inching towards an H), and they are a lot. Too much. I feel your (back and neck) pain.

I guess my feeling is that “unlawful termination” shouldn’t be a thing. If the mother wants to give birth, then it’s a person and what Lake did was murder (or manslaughter), OR the mother and her doctor have the legal right to terminate the pregnancy. But I doubt that was the intent behind the proposed legislation.

I’m kind of stunned Wilkins survived the attack. Every other case like this I’ve heard of (and sadly, there are several), the mother died (either killed before the fetus was extracted, or died as a result of blood loss).

I’m a little torn about the legislation. If Wilkins had decided to terminate for whatever reason,…

If she’d gotten engaged a month after the separation and start of divorce proceedings, maybe. But it’s been two years, and she’s been dating this new guy for one—she’s just moved on. What’s probably holding up finalizing the divorce is nitty-gritty negotiations regarding the kids (custody, visitation, etc.).

Unh, I still want to cuddle that big fluffy tail in the worst way.

Can we, like, *not* have anyone else die, Universe, at least for the rest of the month? Give us a break.

The tag is Bad Ideas, plural, so there’s room for all sorts of idiocy. And Charlie (and Dr. Oz) certainly provide.

The mental image of Oscar Isaac taking Gary for walkies shouldn’t make me this happy. But it’s so cute!

Can we make him wear burgundy velvet all the time? Well, all the times when he should be wearing clothing. There are definitely times when he should be naked, too.

If I could have one on each side of me, murmuring delightful sweet British nothings in my ears, I think I might vibrate myself to pieces. They are definitely my resonant frequency.

The original women have such emotion and power in their expressions—this lady is a dead-eyed, flat-faced nothing.

Seriously! If you want to raise awareness of vulnerable African tribes, why don’t you show, you know, actual African tribes? Talk about self-absorbed and ignorant as fuck all.

I wanted to be Sailor Jupiter, but I knew I was really Sailor Mercury.

He’s just that goddamn white, I suppose. I can just hear him at a Mexican restaurant saying “Ugh, what is this crap? It doesn’t taste anything like Taco Bell!”