"cut the mayo" is the new cut the mustard.

There is nothing appealing about childbirth to me; I heard "mucus plug" and that was it. I'm out. And then I found out things can rip; you can shit yourself; and this joy can last for many hours. Fuck that noise.

13 years ago I had a clot caused by birth control pills; add three 6+ hour car trips in as many days and inexcusably letting myself get dehydrated, WHAM. Hello Death's Door. It was caught in time, but the veins in my right leg are forever fucked up - my right ankle and calf are *clearly* bigger than the left. Bye bye…

Why wouldn't I admit I'm on LinkedIn? What did I miss?