Officials wanted to punish him further but he plead “Sorry guys”, the ultimate Canadian legal defense. After that they were powerless but to return of verdict of “No, no, we’re sorry.”

When asked what he’s going to do now that he’s got a 100 million dollar contract, Antetokounpo said he’d carry on the fine Greek tradition of spending all 300 million of it.

Cut Joyce a break. This is, like, his first mistake out there.

I’m crying on the toilet, and I didn’t even have Chipotle yesterday.

In SEC circles this is referred to as “Recruiting an Academic Eligibility Buddy”

Are we sure Travis Rudolph goes to Florida State? Florida State? Florida State? Bobby Bowden, Deion Sanders, Jameis Winston, etc? Tomahawk Chop, crab legs, sexual assault, etc? Are you sure? Is he sure?

Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.

Fitzpatrick says he is still trying to understand why, in this particular equation, 1+1+1+1=n<1.

Joe Namath — now there was a Jets quarterback!

All Weekender, all the time. This exact one, the Weekender Slip-Through, is currently $36 through Timex, but I have a couple faces and about a dozen straps. Works for nearly everything.

All Weekender, all the time. This exact one, the Weekender Slip-Through, is currently $36 through Timex, but I have…

Steve Martin is one of my favorite people ever. You picked a great body icon, Matt.

• I believe the defending NBA champs should wear championship belts to every game.
  

Lt. Scott Wrigglesworth: FOR THE LAST TIME, STOP ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT THE NAME!!! I’M SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF ANSWERING THIS- oh, you mean the NBA player’s name?

If only there was some kind of convenient bed Murphy could have used.

...who ought to be allowed in, what hurdles that person would need to have to jump.

[cums]

I’m not great at spelling, but Benghazi has a “Z” in it.

Only as an aside, and for what it’s worth the very original incarnation of Barstool Sports was a fun free sheet in Boston for literally reading at the bar, no website of any note.

When I emailed them about their iffy record on football picks and that I was going to Vegas for the Pats Panthers SB, one of the guys begged…

I’m surprised nobody is talking about the moving in-game tributes each team payed to the passing of Muhammad Ali. The Warriors floated like a butterfly while the Cavs seemed to have died 48 hours earlier.

Make America 8-8 again