This is fun, but where's his water bill?

Jets Training Camp: All the optimism of Mount Everest Base Camp, without all the talent.

Statler & Waldorf are gonna roast you like no other for keeping them out of the top 5.

I suggest you turn to hard liquor if you need to.

I’m going to the Stanford game in Palo Alto! Want to meet up and discuss the internet points we have??

When asked to describe Mr. Kilganon’s offering to the annals of dunking history, commentators described the jam as “scrappy” and “hard-nosed”.

Not sure what the big deal is, when I was 21 I spent every day ingesting liquids designed to kill me.

Since being fired by ESPN, Bill Simmons has sent multiple goodbye emails

At the peak of its reign, the show was everything to everyone: the launching pad for the pop careers of Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, and Taylor Hicks...

Why was February so much more popular than March for most of these sites? And that’s even with 3 fewer days in the month? Marchmaaaaaaaan

Why was Oprah speaking to the good people of Chile? Is that the only country where the OWN network is easy to find?

This was hilarious, not even caring about Allen standing next to the rim:

I don’t know, I feel like Simmons has the capability and, with this firing, the drive to turn it around. His latest pieces don’t provoke the kind of anger in me that all post-2010 columns from Rick Reilly inspired. So he hasn’t hit the bottom of the well.

LeBron James is still a bad motherfucker.

Ah, I thought Skipper communicated with Simmons by editing reruns of Miami Vice on ABC Family to include coded messages.

I’m sure he’ll end up on his feet, and in fact, this whole thing reminds me of the 80s TV show Written Out, which was cancelled 26 minutes into the first episode. I’d like to turn the rest of this column into a comparison between Simmons and 4th lead Mark Bashley, who appears in minutes 19-23 of the failed pilot. Does…

Fun fact, the makers of children’s T-shirts always produce one shirt that would fit a 7-foot tall man. It's called the Lenny.

In defense of the acting, not even Daniel Day-Lewis could do a better D-Rose.

Oh man, an SNL take! Oh boy! Do go on, please. Let me guess, the cast was best when you were 15-25, am I right?

I don’t trust your advice... prove it?