Kinja Continues To Eviscerate Kinja

57. Revel Casino Elevator Handrail

Does YouTube have a "loop" feature? Trying to play this video until the end of time.

Pictured: Two Losers.

Until the elevator video was released on Monday, Ray Rice's attorney, Michael Diamondstein, was part of the small but not exclusive fraternity of people—Rice, Janay Palmer, cops, prosecutors, casino security, TMZ reporters, Deadspin tipsters, and allegedly not a soul from the NFL—who knew what precisely it contained.

DO NOT WORK OUT AND NEVER LEAVE YOUR SHOWER UGH.

Dismember The Titans

Laugh all you want, but these E6s are ELITE E6s.

"Take my tickets. Please."

Maybe the NFL didn't see the video because they had to wait 18 fucking hours for this thing to buffer?

So happy for this family.

"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Seriously, I put two guys in that bush. Hide my suit."

"I don't have a lot of thoughts or comments on that. That's Wes' situation, and their team. Obviously, I've got plenty to worry about with this week and this team. As a friend, you always hope the best. But this is not friend time, it's opponent time, and my focus is on the Dolphins. Holy shit, did I just say that I'm…

"I promise I didn't take them from Walmart. These plates were in the ground! Ask my wife, she was with me!"

Isn't it a little misleading to say that this graph balances "winning and grades"? Winning, sure. But the vertical axis seems to be highly based on scandal and other issues, rather than grades. Maybe "behavior" would be best?

"I'm not the type of guy who holds grudges," adds Vick

For clarification, we were like six years old! Just so everybody knows that. I specifically remember that we were six, because I had just gotten a scholarship offer from USC.

You're thinking assassins, people who destroyed great things: L.H.Oswald, J.W.Booth, J.J.Binks

Recent ND grad here:

*Looks at photo*