“The kid had his choice of Morrises and went with that punk ass? Maaan...I woulda showed up just to see what the momma looked like! Gave the kid a free show AND tapped that mommy-ass...say hello to your new “daddy”, baby, HAWHAW!”

Hope he never has to call that dude.

My name is Ramona Singer and I’m a lady-baby who will scream as loud and long as necessary to get my way. I don’t care about anyone but myself and will only do something nice for another person if I know I am rewarded for it. Damn it! I am Ramona and I threw a few necklaces at this charity (for children - fuck ‘em) I…

Ramona should just be cool. Not all, like, uncool.

“oh, i didn’t realize it was like, a CELEBRITY lion, i thought i was just, legally, murdering a NORMAL lion.

As a former long-time optician, I believe her because she appears to be removing her glasses by gripping the front rim, not yanking on the temple—which is a good way to break your glasses, yo. Newbies always grab the temples, and then complain when it snaps off or comes unhinged in a couple months.

Jen? You in danger, girl!

*after IMDB research* AND RON SWANSON’S MOM!?

Wait....is that Pete Hornberger’s wife!? How did I not realize her secret greatness!?

ALL THE TIME, Retta. All the damned time.

Good for her, but I don’t want my little girl growing up playing football. I don’t want little boys doing it either.

“I’ve been to Auschwitz three times...I have stood at that oven door”

Is it just me, or is their strategy of out-conservative-ing one another finally imploding.

I can never see people in beekeeping outfits without thinking about Pushing Daisies, and The Pie-Maker and The Dead Girl dancing on the rooftop. There’s something intrinsically hilarious about those outfits, isn’t there? Instant comedy.

That awkward moment when you want to cosign Jojo but you are married to your BED and pregnant with CHICKEN TENDERS.

Oh dear. Of all the men to try to pull the pretty flirt card on, border guards have got to be the worst. “Hmm, I wonder what’s going on here?” asks Captain Obvious.

If you feel you must engage one of the many trolls posting here, use this instead of arguing with their dumb asses:

Why is offering your child up for adoption worse than having an abortion? I’m not trying to give you a hard time, I’m genuinely curious.

I’m 100% pro-choice, and obviously this could have been prevented by her having an abortion, but certainly “dropping the baby off like a package” would have been preferable to the…

I have a 25 day old baby boy asleep in his crib right now. Reading this made me want to go pick him up and never let go. Must resist temptation. This story is heartbreaking.

I’m just spitballin’ here, but I suspect she was in massive denial about being pregnant, probably hiding the pregnancy. and panicked/snapped when she actually delivered.