That’s funny, because Bruce Jenner said he knew Spencer Pratt had nothing going on.

Listen, nobody likes aliens and space more than Simon Pegg. But I bet Simon made it clear to Tom to keep that destructive shit to himself.

That you’ve chosen to take that on shows you’re a quality person, because I know plenty of families of the elderly just dump ‘em and run.

Margaux showed up everywhere, never carrying a purse. Her beautiful form fitting dresses never revealed a pocket. I kept thinking, where are her car keys, where is her phone, she never carries any cash?

Nolan is the goddamn Highlander, because I don’t think that dude ages.

The show peaked with Lee DeWyze and his Aunt Karen recaps.

I don’t really dig the taste of dried figs or Laffy Taffy candy. But I will gobble them up, because I like the texture.

Every girl needs a storyline to ensure screen time.

Since they’re only half siblings, maybe the judge wouldn’t worry about the separation so much. I think this particular situation could be full of conflicting interests and agendas. Makes me glad for my boring, drama free life.

My sister thinks our mom is Sally Field from Steel Magnolias. My brother thinks she is Mary Tyler Moore from Ordinary People. But she’s really an Emily Gilmore.

Too bad your brother’s mom doesn’t do more to address that. I guess the quality of blended families has a lot to do with the quality of the parents involved.

That’s why I wonder how rich dad would perceive it. If he pays so his kid can wear Nikes, but mom uses the money to buy them both shoes from Payless, I guess he can always buy the shoes for the kid directly. If he pays the private school tuition for his kid, how does the left-out sibling feel about it?

I would think it would be the case worker picking out whatever medicare funded nursing home with an opening when the hospital needs to discharge the mom and they realize there is no family around to do so.

Is she going after the other dad for child support? What happens to the little non-twins if one baby daddy is flush and the other one not so much? Mom would want to even out their standard of living, but if a dad was paying twice as much support as the other, he would want his child to have the benefits.

She probably didn’t stay in that too long.

All my exes live in Texas. That’s why I live a safe distance away in Arizona.

I put my big stuff in the dishwasher. I have totally gunked up my stainless skillet, and it comes out so shiny and pretty. My dishwasher has a smart wash setting, it’s supposed to gauge how much water is needed based on dirty the dishes are.

I don’t pre-wash my dishes. I knock off the big chunks of food, but other than that, the plates go from the table to the dishwasher. I might pre-soak a casserole dish.

Hey, Ashley McMullen,

Carl Reiner.