Dakota Fanning would be a terrible Mulan.

Is this an audience, or an oil painting? These are the jokes, people.

I bet they’re comfy for you. You’re in the home stretch now!

Huh, Jaden, that really puts 17 thru 27 into limbo.

That was a good choice. It would be extra creepy to see certain scenes filmed with a real child.

Alcoholic suffering from depression doesn’t really shout healthy, happy relationship.

I’m from Alamogordo - military brought my dad there, and he chose to retire there. I can’t imagine ever moving back to that shithole.

That’s the side view of the ankles, though. Straight on, I bet they’re delicate.

Stale bagels? Is businesswoman Tyra staying at a Hampton Inn on her business trip?

I absolutely thought the picture was Miley Cyrus before reading the name.

Were my parents that invested in my boning status would send me into a dark psyche abyss.

Joke, joke, jokey joke.

My older siblings rejoiced in calling me an accident (there’s six years between me and the next oldest). But my mother always said, no, I was a surprise.

It is cutesy. $100 for champagne in the room. $100 toward a snorkeling tour. With people getting married at a later age and living together, it's the future of the wedding gifts.

I did put the check in one of those nice $5 Hallmark cards.

Of course, you'd say that, Carol.

My nephew set up a HoneyFund for his honeymoon expenses. I said, no way, the website takes 3-5% away in fees. So I just gave him a big, fat check instead.

So, Jamie, you're saying skipping iHeartRadio and watching the Last Man on Earth instead was a good decision, then.

"Somebody said they were close to me?"

I've started to stockpile tequila, too. Just to be on the safe side.