Hey, Foxcatcher, I saw your movie. It doesn't end well for you.

Christoph Waltz: Amy, dear, do you remember your childhood friend from Colorado, the cow you raised for 4-H, lovingly feeding her from a bottle, watching her as she grazed on the family farm? Well, Daisy's here to congratulate you on your win.

She probably brainstormed the idea with Tina and Amy at a fun lunch at a fabulous restaurant I'll never be able to eat at.

I never use the pen, and always use my knuckle on the pin pad. Plus, a lot of times, if the transaction is under $50, I don't have to sign or input anything.

Oh, it's a real legend.

Before I read the rest of the post, I, too, thought she was literally going to be the hippo. Because I can empathize. My van is that hippo. I must take out a bird a month.

No. No. Noooooo.

I can't wait until all transactions are done by retinal scans.

Right?

You just gave me a case of secondary willies.

Why didn't Jared Leto ask Chris Pratt to braid his hair? I know he would do it.

My toothbrush is fairly well protected, but when I get a moist dollar bill in change back from Wendy's, I die a little inside.

Pretty sure Kate Middleton is Beyonce's best friend now.

Dateline tells me to wipe down the hotel remote with bleach before using it because of all the fecal matter, but Lena Dunham tells me to motorboat that ass. Mixed messages, yo.

Because of Giuliana, someone else doesn't have a job.

You need that Iceland app to screen prospective partners.

I'm sure Jack is a very nice two year old. My kids were precious angels at two. But the day they each turned three, the temper tantrums started. Just be prepared, is what I'm saying.

I can even think about this episode without crying. Not tearing up, full on crying.

I just read the awful news coming out of Florida, so I'm bookmarking this page, and will continue to come back to it during the day when my psyche needs uplifting.

I'm gonna say, nah, brah.