The Jackson family is bitterly disappointed and saddened they could not exploit the ranch for their own profit.

Wheaton was a plane passenger in the opening scene. A plane shark gets him in his seat.

"They're sharks. They're scary. Nobody wants to be eaten. But I've been eaten."

Wouldn't her daughter know and tell her?

Gah, even worse is her hashtag hilariaypd. Even worse than that, is her hashtag hilariaypdbloopers. That time when I confused narcissistic self-promotion with being adorable.

It's easy to remember. Just think of a bag of crap.

Yes, and they're coming in gray. To the colorist.

"Crap. My roots are in the starts again. Screw it. I'll just wear a hat." - Humanity

I kept my kids in booster seats following the height and weight guidelines, and well after their classmates were no longer in booster seats. But my kids were in the front seat by 12.

She really thinks that's an adorable anecdote, like we're going to shake our heads and say, "That's so Jenny."

Truly. Jenny needs to take responsibility for bad comedy. Why isn't she dating Dane Cook?

Hey, it's in Ben's genes.

I'll be pretty in pink.

The AC is blowing on me. I'm putting on my sweater. Now I'll never go to prom.

And we use more than 10 percent of our brains. The movies are lying to us.

I didn't want a wedding, because I really didn't want a wedding, but I didn't want gifts of cash from friends and family, either. I did know my parents would pay for my wedding, so I made this offer to them, how about they just give me the money they would have used and I just get married at the county courthouse.

"The Rock! The Rock, the Rock, the Rock. THE RRRROOOOOOCK!"

I'll hold Marlena down, Kristen. You take her out.

How are you with ice cream that's been in the freezer for a while and gets the little ice crystals? My son's favorite.

I'm only making this Guardian movie to finance Hannibal.