Did this ad ever make it to the US? Because this ad make me feel all kinds of uncomfortable and I think is topically relevant.

Sorry man, I only speak a little gif.

I only want the sammie if it’s warm. That’s when it’s the best...and most fuckable.

“I’d do it, but I’m mostly just in it for the sandwich.”

Not a dude, but I would give it my best shot or die choking to death. Break out the crappy sheets, ‘cause that sandwich has extra mustard!

There are 2 types of people when disaster strikes 1 people who say “thank god I wasn’t there” 2 people who say “I wish I was there to help”

“I fingered that blonde lady backstage.”

#JustlookathowcompassionateIam

I believe people who say “thank god I wasn’t there” way more than I believe the rest. I’m pretty sure I’d be of zero help in 99% of emergencies.

I’m willing to bet that the story that Charlie Sheen told Mario Lopez was neither “hilarious” nor “classic.”

Dear Ashton:

Shia LaBeouf is that friend who posts emo statuses on FB but when you ask whats wrong they say “I dont want to talk about it on Facebook”

“And on the seventh day, God watched football at a sports bar, and surveyed all the beer he had consumed, and truly, this was a Sunday Funday.”

His brain is likely in mint condition... Seeing as he uses it so infrequently.

Making your meat Halal is just good business sense. Both Muslims and Jews can eat Halal meat (or Kosher in the alternative) and there is NO PHYSICAL DIFFERENCE from regular meat.

Oooh! OOOOOH! Does this mean we can use the Sharia Law defense to get rid of the ridiculous and oppressive Blue Laws in Texas? Because not being able to buy hard liquor on Sunday mornings is definitely infringing upon my beliefs!!!

Yes, what is this world coming to when employees can refuse service to customers simply based on their own religious beliefs? I’m assuming, of course, that next he’s going to go after the pharmacists and pharmacy techs who refuse to supply customers with birth control and Plan B. Right? Riiiiight?

I hope your asshole writes a bestseller countering all of your dick’s accusations, and that the two of them become embroiled in a decades-long media feud.