His future wife will be really pleased when he tells her that he loves her like a brother.

This is my dog. I know he strongly resembles a cat, but he is insistent that he is a dog. He has fallen in love with dogs through the window, and likes to go outside to greet the neighborhood dogs when they go out for walks.

My mom showed my dude friends pictures of her giving birth to my brother (including full-frame crotch shots of every stage of delivery). She also read the (horrible) first chapter of a book out loud to all of our friends and waited for applause at the end.

My dad slept in the nude. When things got too loud with…

Fair enough, I suppose. I’m not familiar with his music, but when I’ve seen him in interviews he seems like a guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed. Maybe she’s looking for someone softer than her.

Is there some reason why Drake and Serena shouldn’t be dating? I’m lost. They both seem like nice, single, talented people. What’s the big deal?

Coincidentally, that was the actual name of one of my high-school English teachers.

A future SAT question:

I previously won a pissing contest for an awkward sexual encounter, but honestly, I think yours beats mine.

My worst summer camp story is camping at Sherwood Beach on Oahu when I was 11 or 12. There was some kind of sewage leak and the water was full of debris (to put it politely). The beach was covered in dead fish. On the plus side, that was the first time I noticed how good a nicely defined calf muscle looks, thanks to a…

He’s got a good mug.

I’m pretty sure that’s from VH1.

No, she was a mage. But the Swordsplosion is my absolute favorite gun! Especially playing as Gaige.

I love Mister Torgue. This past weekend I played in an RPG and my character’s name was Tina Flexington. I nearly ruined my voice, but it was totally worth it because reasons! EXPLOSIONS!

I hope your insurance is up-to-date.

I also voted for legalization here, and for similar reasons. Also because back in 1989 —my first semester of college— the DA of the time talked to my government class. He said that our prisons were clogged with people who had been convicted of or who were awaiting trial for drug possession. The majority of those…

I don’t hate you. I work from home, so any day could be Cocktail Day. Of course I don’t drink, but that’s beside the point.

Be the change you want to see in the world. Bring champagne to work! Or you could always circulate a memo that declares Fridays are now Champagne Fridays and hope that someone else brings it.

My mom just posted this picture of her and her parents from 1945.

Here’s a picture of my great-grandpa Leo. He was a football player, a Navy chief, and a movie extra. My uncle Pat still has the headdress and wears it to powwow.

Diaphragm cozy?