My 10-year-old wants a $600 Ableton Push midi controller and piano lessons. And a piano. And a customizable phone (I forget the brand), and an Apple laptop. Sorry kiddo. You'll get the $99 keyboard controller that has a little piano keyboard and you can look up lessons on YouTube.

When my son was five he hand wrote his Christmas list, but he first did "research" on my computer (his word, not mine). It was adorable. He has made the list on the computer every year since then.

You never know. I still hope my smugness will change the world somehow.

When I first read that, I was imagining a tiara that poops candy like one of those pooping reindeer dolls. Now I realize she meant a tiara to wear while pooping, but I'm still thinking about my idea and how to make it work.

[fuckweasel]
[jerkwad]
[fartblossom]
[knucklehead]
[bumblefuck]

I have friends who had thought that and then experienced wedding creep. Their parents had expectations, there were people who wanted to participate and offered time, food, and a venue, and they felt they had to match some of that. They ended up with a gorgeous wedding at a (dying) friend's house with an open bar,…

I'm more of a Craigslist Casual Encounters gal myself.

This battle has been playing out in my lap off and on for the past couple of weeks. The worst is when the cat decides it is my fault and bites me for the kitten's crimes. The injustice!

It's like that scene in Being John Malkovich where everyone is Malkovich. Only now they are Cage. I like Malkovich world better.

If no one disliked Mad Men, I wouldn't have any reason to feel smug and superior for loving it.

Thanks for the recommendation! I was wondering about that one.

Code breaking is the coolest. I like making up codes for my son and his cousins to break. My niece (the youngest of the three) is the best at it. When she was five and the boys were eight, I set up a puzzle with a cipher wheel at our local garden. She was busting those codes faster than the boys and then she got bored…

There's really only one ass slap that I noticed. Nothing illicit or weird. My verdict: Not weird to send.

There can be a lot of reasons for a child's clothes and hygiene not being perfect every day, and I think it's better to give people the benefit of the doubt. For instance, my son often had bad breath for his first few years of school. He has an autism spectrum disorder, and could not understand how to brush his teeth…

This letter and this attitude are exactly the reason that universities (at least in my area) require teaching students to take a class to familiarize themselves with poverty. My sister-in-law was raised in poverty, so she didn't actually need the class, and was appalled by the assumptions and prejudices of her…

I immediately thought of the discomfort of pooping out cotton balls, which I imagine is pretty awful and dry.

I immediately thought of the discomfort of pooping out cotton balls, which I imagine is pretty awful and dry.

I have been posting on Jezebel for literally years and am still in the grey. If you figure out the secret, please let me know.

Here is the email address for the College Party Guide website that contributes to this on-going horribleness: contact@collegepartyguru.com

If we lived in a society where people weren't judged for their sexuality, that would be fine. But teachers are routinely fired if past nude pictures or porn movies come to light. Employers commonly make judgments about employees sex lives and try to control them by preventing their insurance from paying for birth…