Hi! You’re confused because you don’t understand how this works.

Seriously?

Yes. Please rush to apologize to Zendesk.

Okay, but the stark, piercing terror of realizing you’re stuck in a piece of clothing or you can’t get it on correctly is real. You haven’t felt shame until you have to plaintively caterwaul for help from the super cheerful fitting room attendant because you’re trapped in a dress. I’m sorry, Anthropologie sales girl.…

My 2 year old called 911 so many times while playing Duck Duck Moose games on my phone that the dispatchers finally called me back one day and said the next time he called they would fine us $1000.

I used to be a legal proofreader, and these particular cases against an object or a shipment of objects used to absolutely slay the whole department... US vs. One Hundred Forty-Four Boxes Of Frozen Fish. US vs. $75,000 Cash. US vs. 422 Casks of Wine. I considered it one of the few benefits of the job (because having…

Are we giving Trump land in an attempt to get him to stop trying to take control of America?

I’ve been relegated to the weird vestibule/couch room that are sometimes in women’s bathroom for NURSING, and it's annoying and a bit gross, but pumping is a whoooooooole other story. I didn’t really care that much if people saw me nurse my baby - nature in action, whatevs - but pumping was something I had to do in…

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. In basically every movie, Leonardo Dicaprio always just comes across as the best actor in a high school theatre production. Which is to say, he’s not *bad.* He’s always just, like, Leonardo Dicaprio in a costume and talking in his “acting” voice.

‘Nobody needs a uterus to live, OK?’ Green says. ‘Nobody needs a hand or a face to live, in fairness. It’s a quality-of-life issue.

The Department of Labor actually has a page on this

The media didn’t change the rules. The cultural revolution and feminism changed the rules; they redefined marriage. Women deserve so much more than to be sold into marriages for social and political reasons to a man who will neither love nor be faithful to them. They deserve more than suffering the humiliation of…

Congress will pass a new law that states all Americans must be wearing body cameras 24/7 so that we can video evidence of everything that happens ever.

Up until the late 1800's (and well into the 1900's) most people went to barbers when they had medical issues. As doctors became more popular (especially with wealthy people) medical manufacturers no longer wanted to be associated with barbers (who were considered low-class) By mentioning that they don’t sell to…

I am so not that lady.

Oh then obviously! I’d use all three, maybe at the same time! What am I going to do, vote those feelings away?

75. You’re uppity AND anemic AND wanting to wear pants.

That’s not pronounced “tongues” is it?

7. You’re definitely talking about wanting the right to vote, but not actually doing anything about it.

“Would you give this century-old vibrator a shot?”