Both segments were great, but my favorite is the first segment on Daily Show, where Sean Hannity is shown asking a NYC real estate developer how he would handle fighting the terrorist group ISIS.

I'd say don't make a big deal about it... If you're generally a good tipper then it won't really come up again. If they perseverate on it, then talk it out, but I'd just let that one be a difference of opinion and float by...

I want to applaud Sports illustrated for having the courage to feature a young white woman with symmetrical features, the hip to waist ratio of the Venus de Milo, and pert breasts. Most humans look at this model and have to cover their eyes in horror. Only the Sports Illustrated editors could see past conventions of…

THen my work here is done.

Yeah for a second there I was super excited that The Gay Bachelor was a thing happening outside of a Funny or Die parody

You can take the sex out of a comedian but you cant take the comedian out of sex. I bet dude makes jokes mid coitus.

ENDA is not law and does not include protections for pregnant women.

Yes, Native Americans, if you hate America so much, why don't you just leave? AMERICA FOR REAL AMERICANS. AMERCIA. FREDOM.

Can I be your friend? I'm not white, but Asian and from what I hear, you may not have any Asian friends yet.

No white dancers!

Let him speak to you all sexy like.

Here is his The Rock's cousin Roman Reigns. Currently on WWE

You should have gone to the bathroom and said "I'll send you something too", then sent him a picture of a bigger dick.

Been there. After I got my illustrious degree and found that the entire country was short on jobs, I was a manager at a well known shoe store. When talking to a woman who hated me from the word go and I have no idea why. I wasn't rude or mean in any way. She was buying shoes for her son, she looked at me and said,…

OOooh, you have to have a job, and your job involves running and fetching shit for the likes of me. I am obviously superior.

That one doesn't even make sense. If I went into a cupcakery, I would assume people had spent a lot of time/energy/money training to y'know. Make delicious and well-decorated treats. I've made…

YOU RACIST NOT ALL BLACK PEOPLE HAVE LAMPS

Ha! I totally feel that annoyance when my husband tries to talk and kiss and be cute when I've just settled down for food. I love him and try to be cute back, but dude doesn't understand that it's dangerous to come between me and food.

While I agree with you, people will do what's important to them. I do fitness that fits into my schedule and that I enjoy and it follow a diet that doesn't make me feel like I'm obsessing. Could I be slimmer? Sure. Is it important to me that I be so? No. Same for this contestant. I'm sure she found other shit she…

Well now, little lady, did you think long and hard about that choice? Was it really necessary to have that "extraction"? Isn't that rather coldblooded of you?

In my mind those guys are three totally straight bros who were walking around in Crocs and sweatpants until the song came on and the power of Beyonce transformed them into the outfits and the heels and the insane, perfectly-choreographed dance moves. It was like a scene in a musical where the whole town starts dancing…