But I turn 30 in less than 10 years!

I actually like the U by Kotex line. Mostly because it expands all around instead of turning into a stupid butterfly in my vagina. Worst magic trick ever: I insert a piece of white cotton into my vagina and I remove a bloody butterfly! TADA!

Okay, see, the idea that I have to buy multiple $30 cups to make sure I've got the "right" one is a huge turn-off for the cup, I've gotta say. I have a perfectly decent job for my demographic information but that's a lot of money for me to basically say "oh well! Guess I'll try a new one!" with.

Yaz killed my period dead for about two or three years after I stopped taking it, but when it came back it was actually worse than ever before (two pads layered lovingly with one in my crotch and one across the front of my panties since I'm a stomach sleeper plus a tampon at night and I STILL overflowed if I stand up…

Oh those are fantastically absorbent, but for some reason they give me a really itchy rash (I guess because they trap moisture so well?). I've noticed it's not as bad if I remember to shave the pubic hair that comes in contact with the pad before my period, but I'm not really that organized. Sigh, birth control for…

God prefers girls who have been around the block a few times.

Good idea! Either it'll stop or I'll develop weird Carrie-like psychic powers! Win/win.

I think that's Alaska Thunderfuck (Sharon Needles' boyfriend) in the bottom pic.

This really fucking pisses me off. Hey, I'd LOVE to hear what she would suggest I can take BESIDES hormonal birth control for my period. When I was in high school and college, there were days I couldn't go to school because I would get so lightheaded that I could barely walk. I couldn't go to work on those days. I…

Those "swag bags" are free from the formula company. It's like the baby equivalent of free shampoo samples. They're hoping you get hooked on their brand so they'll give you enough to get you started.

But what if I want to serve my hypothetical breast milk in a container larger than 16 ounces? What then, Bloomberg?!

So, having read the article...they SERIOUSLY give instructions on how to make a fur bib for your child with the advice that it can be used as a neckpiece for the mother to go with a nice dress. Fur realz, y'all? Granted I'm not super familiar with children, but it seems like it might be kind of hard to get food out…

My mom has a yellow lab and TRUTH. Every time you take him for a walk, every man you pass on the street has to stop and touch him. He can be 6 or 60, gay, straight, bi, whatever. Black, white, hispanic, check "other." Rich, poor, they will ALL stop and touch the dog. He is a more effective man magnet than…

He didn't know? Please. Even I know that even when you're not having an outbreak it's still possible to pass the virus on to others. Thanks, Valtrex!

Someone please tell me that pigs make good apartment pets. Lie if you have to. Good lord that's adorable.

In high school, my best friend was a gay boy who liked to play with my breasts. At one point I remember laying on a bleacher watching a football game while he poked me in the chest with a toy lightsaber.

Ezra Miller seems to be in costume as the guy with the camera and the floating trash bag from Not Another Teen Movie.

Aww man, you just ruined my righteous indignation. Look, no hard feelings. I don't care if you want to make fun of steampunk or not — it's not my primary "scene" and I'm not particularly defensive of it. Unfortunately, clitoridectomies are an ongoing problem in many cultures and that's where the joke fell flat: …

You're right, enjoying the occasional fancy dress costume and historical sci-fi? TOTALLY an endorsement of clitoridectomies. Also child labor, segregation, and the miasma theory. It's all so clear now! Thank you for mansplaining* that to me.

Exactly. Calling someone else fat won't make you any thinner, calling someone stupid won't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life won't make you any happier.