“Assholes” should be lowercase, since it is an improper noun.

I didn’t even know they had a concession stand until I got the voucher.

You misquoted me

No you wouldn’t, pussy

Trick question. We didn’t last 3 hours.

Me and my dad tried golfing on a really nice course in Chapel Hill a few years back, despite the fact that we were both pretty bad. We only had one set of clubs, which were lefty. I’m a lefty, so it worked for me, but my dad is a righty, so he struggled at first. Around hole three or so he decided that instead of…

This is ridiculous. You’d think Australians of all people would have no problems turning their frowns upside down.

“Okay, buddy. Just get back in the tomb and we’ll have this all sorted out in a second...”

Ha!

HARRISON BARNES: ...I’m going to need some help with this segment.

Make fun all you want, but this guy is legit. Scouting reports say he will be twice the pitcher Jim Abbott was.

You know who doesn’t find anything distasteful? Chris Christie.

All wire photos by Frank Franklin II for the AP, who probably enjoyed his evening in the Bronx.

“For instance, they both throw better with their right hands.”

As happy as he looks, Richie’s trip wasn’t just meant for fun and games. He was actually meant to be campaigning for his father, Mike Huckabee.

The victim is a dog, you clod.

Ha!

If you zoomed in real close on that ball, you could see “Property: Tim Treadwell” written on it.

It’s pretty fucked up that this guy’s being given all the responsibility for this. I mean, just look at how the victim’s dressed.

Well, not exactly straight for it...