Too dark for the Mets roster, I guess.

@vodkanaut: Shit. That means a complete day of masturbating during commercial breaks.

This concludes object lesson number one. There is never any reason to go to Providence. Unless your from Boston.

@ClueHeywood: Scary to think of how he actually got her number in the first place.

Michael Vick approves.

@Murray Hewitt: Unfortunately, money changes everyone.

In my fit of rage, I just broke three pens in an attempt to gouge out my eyes and ears at the same time.

@dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac: Even better...

@dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac: Isn't that ironic?

It's amazing what a microphone attached to your face all day will do for your image.

That show made me question my sexuality.

Great news, Wade!! Any plans to learn how to coach football?

@Lionel Osbourne: This monkey's voice sounds EXACTLY like Jillian Michaels.

@Hatey McLife: He'll be damned if he lets Jim Johnson get all the cancer sympathy.

@The_International_Poise_Conspi...: Impressive indeed, sir.

@Lionel Osbourne: Don't forget the after-four-hour rule.

Sage Rosenfels dreams of this every night.

@metroville: Clearly intelligent, you say?

Those USC guys sure know how to party.