Alot of men have wives and daughters.....still doesn’t stop them from being sexist.

Are we not talking about racist douchebags with biracial children? Just having biracial children doesn’t automatically make you NOT racist. It just makes you a double-y terrible person.

My question is why are people so stupid? Let’s rephrase it - THE WAR WAS ABOUT THE “STATES RIGHTS” TO ENSLAVE PEOPLE. Fucking fucktard idiot inbred motherfuckers.

“I cannot do anything racist, because I have black friends”

Because tormenting you all is the only thing that brings my shriveled, broken excuse for a heart any joy.

It’s a fine dining/excellent service etiquette thing which, to my understanding, comes mostly from the fact that wine capsules used to be made out of lead (and the dust thing, but less so). Plus if you have a 4-5 pound bottle (not unheard of, especially if it’s sparkling) and delicate, crystal, even the slightest tap…

Alex is right that you learn the most from examining the cork’s condition, but smelling it does tell you one thing you might prefer to learn before smelling the wine, and that you won’t necessarily be able to see or feel: Whether or not the wine has got mildew in it.

In all seriousness? If Comedy Central picked up BCO for a sketch comedy show formatted exactly like Drunk History, in that they pick a central narrator for each tale and real household-name actors dramatize the story and lipsync the dialog... I WOULD WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THAT.

He claimed that he was from Florida(Editor’s Note: Well, there’s the least surprising statement ever.)

I still get upset about this when I’m behind someone at Chipotle or Subway (not that I really eat at those places anymore) and the person has to REACH OVER THE FUCKING DIVIDER to point at the guacamole or lettuce instead of BEING A FUCKING ADULT AND SAYING GUACAMOLE OR EXTRA PICKLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!1!11ONE!!!!!

Next week will be Revenge, so while not light, it’ll definitely be cathartic.

Salad for lunch today.

Oh my gosh, so much this. People act like the smaller the wedding, the more righteous you are, and they get competitive about it, like, “My engagement ring only cost $30 and our wedding was in the woods with ten people. We had to pack out our own poop.” “Really? So big? I just went to City Hall on my lunch break and…

Starred for use of caps. I would also like to offer you a slice of pie or other treat of your choice.

As someone who wasn’t crazy about the idea of doing a wedding-wedding but is doing it anyway, for a variety of reasons - look, we can’t always get the chill backyard paper lamp-lit commitment ceremony of our dreams, ok? I made my peace with doing a wedding-wedding because, well, my parents and extended family would be…

There are no longer any snakes in Ireland.

It’s not removing the seats, it’s HONORING them!!!!

After all the parties I’ve seen, “cock party" seems more accurate and wouldn't involve cross-species sexytimes.

Wait really? Why not doe? Why’s a deer marrying a chicken? So many questions.

It’s okay, we side-eye your doe and stag parties pretty hard.