Alec Baldwin, stop digging. You are about to pop out somewhere antipodal and then fall off the planet.

Wait, Jay-Z sold out black men over this shit?!

I take one look at this and feel like...

And let us not forget Rembrandt, who basically should have been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder for all of his selfies.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one completely skeeved out by [herk] "making love." /shudder

Oh FUCK no. Just reading the title card made my libido go hide in the back of a cabinet for the next six months.

I got 48 seconds into this video before I had to turn it off. "Making Love", or any sort of variant, is a term that I loathe and abhor. I generally refer to intercourse as "fucking", because I'm classy like that.

The Coasters lied to me.

I LOVE the direction you're taking this.

Egon Schiele's selfie is like the original Adam Levine:

Yes, but Ducreaux is Cheekier.

Personally, I like Courbet's selfie the best.

I bet he painted it like 12 times until he got it so his arm didn't look fat and he didn't have a double chin.

Listen Van Gogh, THIS SHIT IS NOT EMPOWERING

I mean, Van Gogh was like the original Miley Cyrus:

Where are all the trend pieces asking men, "are you sure you want an orgasm every time? Doesn't sex feel good either way?"

I listen to Nickleback.

I haven't kept up with Nickleback since, like, 2006, but I like Chad Kroeger's voice so fuck haters.

OH GOD. It's like Cronenberg designed the back-tit, while Lynch decided to add the incongruous trappings of cosy suburban dwelling. And I don't know who came up with the black vinyl gloves, but it added an uncomfortable air of fetish to the whole sordid procedure.