youre a bad man

I feel like cookie dough is objectively more delicious than cookies. I don’t even feel like this statement is an opinion. Like, cookies are weird and dumb and frequently gross, crumbly pieces of shit (and even at best, they’re just tolerable), while cookie dough is an extension of the joy of the universe.

Supreme Court Justices HATE HIM!!!

Your tabs make a story for people with no time on their hands when read left to right. It looks like you met a gay guy named Ryan, emailed him, fucked him, got pregnant, met his wife and was surprised, so you slept on it and woke up to kill him in grief and hysteria, then when the cops came to get you, you went down…

I can’t decide what I love (admire?) more about this image: the fact that you have 79 unsent drafts—and therefore are an even worse procrastinator than I am—or that you have an entire folder in your Gmail dedicated to “Grim Sexts”.

Exactly. I thought that was so fucking offensive. Same with people we interned during World War II. Those people were stripped of their possessions, their livelihoods, and forced to move to a shitty internment camp way the hell out in the middle of the California desert but no loss of dignity? How in the hell did he…

Don’t you know dignity when you see it??

I just can’t comprehend how slavery and undeserved internment can do ANYTHING but strip someone’s dignity. I just assume he was really high and rambled on.

Yeah, according to most of the conservative and/or stupid people—that Venn diagram’s got a LOT of overlap in my Facebook feed—we’re all now legally required to be gay married to a person of color and give abortions to goats and pray to Mecca and suffer the indignity of health care while being limited to owning only a…

Two back-to-back posts on my daughter’s Twitter: “I highly encourage you to search “moving to Canada” on Twitter for some serious entertainment.” (People are posting that they’re moving to Canada due to the SCOTUS ruling.) Her next post: “I wonder when they’ll realize that same-sex marriage has been legal in Canada…

His dissent was the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. People did NOT lose their dignity from being slaves? So slaves were totally cool with being put up naked on an auction block so people could see if they were healthy? It was fine to have someone looking in your mouth without your consent? Slave owners could fuck you if…

is it just me, or does that snippet of Thomas’ dissent kind of read like he’s in favor of slavery and internment camps?

You can spend hours rinsing those bottlecaps, the smell of beer never goes away.

Nope, calculating that bottlecaps are usually made of a light metal, averaging about 1.5 grams per cap, times 2,200, it came out to be roughly 3,300 grams or 7.28 pounds. if he were to ship it 2-day rush, it’d cost him at 17.90. So yeah, dude got a deal.

And I'm sure it matched his thermos perfectly.

How dare the server ask to take that empty plate away! It was his. He had it monogrammed to make a complete set of tableware.

Ferrari guy needs one of those “if your dick was as small as mine, you’d drive one of these, too” bumper stickers put on his car.

I’m extremely impressed that they’ve adjusted to demand for this limited release. Most of the time increasing production on these sets is either shrugged off or simply unrealistic due to manufacturing time. This should mean there won’t be much of a market for scalpers when it’s released, which couldn’t make me happier.

IT’S A GOD DAMN PIP BOY!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!