I just bought mine a new set of “teeth” (brush module) that are currently being shipped. Until then, Roomba is on sabbatical. I walk by his charging station and whisper, “SOON.”

Oh my god, THAT’s what those were from??? I went off Zoloft years ago and the body shocks were the creepiest thing. Didn’t piece it together at the time — fucking Psychiatrist was messing with my meds and not explaining things at all. Kept telling me that “pregnancy changes a lot of things” — I’M NOT PREGNANT RIGHT…

I got away from my pedo stepdad, had a locking dorm room door and everything. I would endure a lifetime of Korean roommates who preferred to sleep with the window open through a northern Michigan winter for that.

Einstein Cosmetics has some nice balms — I use the red-capped one mostly. Also if you’ve access to a Whole Foods or something like it, John Masters Organics is good. Also Trader Joe’s Lip Balm Virtuoso is good.

A few years ago I went to the State Fair for my (mid-summer) birthday. Mr. Semantics and I spent the whole day outside, having fun, going on rides and observing the lines for Deep Fried Things. Before driving the hour and a half home, we decided to stop at a local Thai restaurant to get some “real” food for dinner. I…

Thank you for this. Besides the article, it’s helpful to read comments from others who have been through this.

I know, right? Everybody knows Hand-Dipped Shakes are traditional shakes dipped in chocolate, like the aforementioned Cow-juice Female Royalty cone.

I knew someone who said, “meeyilk.” Drove me nuts.

Mr. Semantics is like that with cilantro. If a dish has cilantro on it, he always orders extra. One day at some restaurant or other, the server asked him to specify exactly how much extra cilantro. I explained that he essentially wanted a cantro salad with the entree on the side. When his dish showed up and you could…

Ha! Middle School dances were the one thing this nerd did right! I took one look at those lame-ass dances (always held during school hours) and said Nope. I figured out that the school Librarian was more than happy to show me and my best friend movies while the dance was going on. Over the two years I went to that…

My boycat knocked a full glass of water all over my dad when he visited. Dad tried to be cool about it, but he’s a dog person and doesn’t quite get that you can’t train Gravity’s Little Helper to not knock glasses of water over.

Reminds me of the time I burned both palms on baking pans (didn't know they had just come out of the oven) and all the bakers looked confused when the 16-year-old sissy asked for burn cream. Finally one of the bakers told me to cup my hands. I did so, and he poured egg whites in my hands. It .. didn't *not* work, but…

I can't get over the inconguity of the Bieber pic: it looks like someone 'shopped a '90s-era Haley Joel Osment on a gym rat's body. So much ew.

When I was four, my dad brought me with him to Hardware Hank (I loved going there, they handed out stale popcorn!). I wandered over to the bulk bins of screws and nails and started messing with them. Dad told me to cut it out, but I ignored him. So he went over and scooped me up. I immediately started screeching,…

Right? Yes, it's a terrible tragedy that she died, but I'm very distracted by trying to figure out where exactly this place is and why it would be named that. Reminds me of a guy I met in Europe who insisted that he was from a tiny country nestled between Italy and South Africa. He loved messing with Americans'…

This. My brother and I have cut off all contact with our abusive mother. Last contact either of us had with her, she sent my brother a sermon on DVD of the Evils of Homosexuality. Just like the subject of this article, my mother has no idea what she's done. And therein lies the problem.

As someone who works for the retailer in question, I can attest to the veracity of this story. Happens All. The. Time.

Seriously. There's not even going to be any HONEY in the food, let alone any vaguely meat-related anything, up to and including leather shoes on the servers. Vegans are seriously cranky about this, yo. (Full disclosure: I'm vegan. We're cranky 'cause we're hungry.)

Oh, god. I was that little shithead. My very-reigious parents never taught me about Santa Claus, so I always assumes that it was just a story everyone was in on. I was so stunned in the first grade that I mentioned to a friend in the first grade, "You know how Santa isn't real?" She said, "He is, too!" and slammed her…

I recently moved to Vermont, and this makes me smile. I see those "Eat More Kale" bumper stickers everywhere. Vermont: simultaneously the home of Ben & Jerry's & eatmorekale.com.