My first car was Elvira...because I was a teenage goth girl. She even featured a black rubber bat hanging from the mirror. My husband is against naming cars, so my Fiat 500 is just "little one" and my Vette is "my baby" or "princess." However, little one is being swapped for an Abarth in a week or so (primarily…

That was amazing. The "Why I Read Jalopnik Every Day" pie chart is now over 60% Doug DeMuro.

My weekly comedy trifecta: Bill Burr's podcast, Paul Virzi's podcast, and whatever the fuck Doug DeMuro is up to this week.

As for complaints of a formula: yeah, there's clearly one at work in Kirkman's execution, seen again in the newest story arc. New people come, Rick's crew and the newcomers warily circle around each other. Some people die, some newcomers are still around in one way or another. But, for me, the most interesting things…

Of course the Niners are stupid, Drew. It takes a special kind of stupid to let seven eat you.

Sometimes I think good white people expect to be rewarded for their decency. We are not like those other white people. See how enlightened and aware we are? See how we are good?

Your assumption here is a problem. You assume that the commenter is looking for a prize. They aren't. They are saying they don't need to apologize for sympathy and empathy which is offered without reward to all walks of life. That the automatic assumption (on your part, it would seem) that they are saying these…

The Dirty Bird gets the worm.

Surprised how little play another Express-News story is getting:

not on the river walk where everything is a tourist trap

Around the Cutler house they call it Measles on Wheels.

Durant: So, Biebs, you want bloodies or mimosas?

More coming soon on this, obviously.

So I guess Tom Brady's stats don't count the same as Tony Romo's stats since the Patriots have been so good and the Cowboys have sucked?

I hate to break it to you but Phoenix is in Arizona.

I think anywhere in Texas is going to be too close to to the Team that has repeatedly kicked LeBron in the nuts over the span of his career. You could use the Spurs as a measuring stick, sure, but winning the Southwest division remains a pretty dubious task when the majority of your games are coming against the likes…

Clearly you've never seen Shark Tank.

My guess: He writes "$30" out with his tongue over and over again.

It was a post-championship treat for the Big Funadmental. Probably threw the barista off her game when he went away from the usual.