I mean, it can very well escalate anyway, as “revenge” for the victim testifying — however unwillingly. There’s really no one who can control an abuser except the abuser, short of incarcerating them (and even that just kicks the can down the road).

The state does bring criminal charges. But they can’t do anything, most of the time, if the victim doesn’t testify.

Yeah, I’m a lawyer and I only barely knew who to vote for last election (because I knew the candidates for the two slots, sort of, and they seemed competent, I guess? by reputation?) (and because one of the long-shot opposing candidates had a website that was all THIS IS ME WITH MY GUN ARSENAL) (and even then I was…

Uh, plenty of people know lots about love despite being childless and/or asexual and/or celibate. I’m sure you meant well, and I agree with your underlying sentiment, but sex and childbearing/childraising don’t actually make you a loving person if you weren’t already, and you can be a loving person without any of…

I doubt there’s much of a difference. Most voters don’t participate much in judicial elections, and most of the time people just elect the incumbent by a landslide. My state is mixed, which is common — elections are actually pretty rare, since judges tend to enter/leave office at times that don’t line up well with the…

It’s not all that contradictory. You ask a black person, someone who has shown a willingness to explain stuff like this (to you personally, or to the public at large like Killer Mike has) — not just, like, a random person who happens to be black. And you ask nicely, knowing full well that it is not their job to…

As a bi woman, can I just say: folks, especially guys, PLEASE stop asking every random bi lady in the world if they’d like a threesome with you and your partner. There was a point where like half my OKCupid messages were “Hey, my girlfriend and I are looking for blah blah blah.” Now, if I had said on my profile that I…

We should intervene the way the people we are trying to help ask for our intervention. You’re asking me how? Ask Chechen women how they want to be helped. I don’t know. I do a lot of gender-based human rights work, but I don’t have the specific knowledge of Chechen women’s rights from those women’s own perspective…

My point wasn’t “notallchechs,” and it wasn’t to deny that this stuff happens in Chechen culture — it was that if we honestly want to help Chechen girls and women, we need to listen to Chechen girls and women and help them how they want to be helped, not barge in and intervene in the way AJ was implying (versus the…

I agree with you generally, but you’re talking about Americans defining American culture for ourselves, not Americans defining a predominantly Muslim culture for them by calling it sexist and therefore unworthy of our respect. That whole “[other culture] treats its women poorly!” trope gets used to justify a fuckload…

Absolutely, much of our culture is. But if you say American culture is homophobic, then you’re contemplating an American culture in which queer people like me are way on the margins of your understanding. It’s a part of our culture. Of course it is. But if you want to do something about it, you should support queer…

I disagree that a culture is always defined by its majority. A culture is defined by its patterns, but that includes patterns among minorities, conflicting values and worldviews, and diversity. “Rape culture” doesn’t work the same way as, say, American culture, because you’re defining rape culture by a specific set of…

The thing is, we don’t all know it’s not all Chechens. Americans don’t know much about Chechnya at all, other than an association with Russia and an association with Islamism, which means we’re in danger of thinking that yes, all Chechens are like this. By contrast, the problem with #notallmen is that 1) obvious point…

A fuck ton of Chechens are adamantly against this whole travesty, and this sort of treatment of women and girls in general. The public criticism this piece alludes to? Comes from within Chechen culture as well as from without. Don’t let the worst parts of Chechnya define Chechen culture, not without learning about…

You are amazing. I wish my mom had had the courage to help herself and get better like you’ve done. I don’t have BPD but even without it, I don’t really think I could be both a good mom and a happy one. Too many maladaptive traits from growing up with a BPD mom, and I’m not eager to spend more of my life taking care…

I’m a fellow survivor of a shitty, abusive mother. The feeling that you’re at fault for provoking your mom’s wrath or rejection or sorrow or whatever? That you should be a better daughter? Very, very familiar. And it’s a legitimate feeling, because all your feelings are legitimate. Feelings always are. It’s based in…

I love mangoes. My stomach does not love mangoes. A restaurant once failed to honor my “seriously, no mango in this please” request and I ended up projectile vomiting all over everything, in full view of a ton of potential customers.

It must have been an accident!

Stealing that shit. I have no idea where to use this gif, but you bet I'll use it.

You appear to be unfamiliar with the term "gender dysphoria," which is a medical condition that necessitates treatment. You appear to be unfamiliar with a lot about gender identity and trans* health issues. May I recommend Google?