"Hey! Those people have weird long feet! Hey! Hey person! Your feet are weird! I don't like change!"

Well now they have a use for all the extra dog hair they have laying around

I wouldn't fuck with Zimmerman, dude knows how to stand his ground

I'm sure Cooper Manning has some wise words about Eli's business intelligence

Whine & Cheese

Keep in mind you're talking to a Syracuse student, though, and please write your suggestions phonetically.

Bernie Fine owes me money

Here's an idea: bear down and focus on your studies, you embarrassing piece of shit.

Fortunately the other team was just a load of whites.

No we all know the "biggest baby" in sports

Tony Romo just attempted to call...but as expected it was intercepted

Maybe they should let Kanye break the news to her...

"Those aren't thugs! They're goons!"

The Japanese are known for their filthy splitters. Just ask any one of the Beatles.

"Way of Wade" might be terrible, but it's still better than his original choice, "Wya of Dwyane".

Actually it's a tribute to her former co-star Paul Walker.

Magic Johnson wore 32 because it was his T-Cell count.

And Jordan only wore 23 to remind him of the rules of Blackjack. Presaged his future gambling prowess.

Excellent fucking article. Great job.

"My son, my precious child, when you still see two sets of footprints in the Wisconsin snow, that's because you're so fat I couldn't carry you."