Luckily for the divers, virtually everything in Bristol is shallow.

If history has taught us anything, lengthy suspensions can end in disaster. For A-Rod's sake, let's hope his isn't INXS.

I just think it's a nice coincidence that the Yankees' OPS is also Jim Leyritz's blood-alcohol level.

When you see somebody look like this, you can't help but staring. That nose is huge.

"Back away from camp."

Don't wanna be a naysayer, but Tim Donaghy is already taking bets on how long the Koguts will last.

Great minds, indeed. Or, ya know, whatever our minds are.

He really probably shouldn't have answered back in haiku form, all things considered.

"Stop bitching and fuckin adapt."

The two most common words mentioned with "hockey" were, of all things, the first names of SportsCenter anchors Linda Cohn and Steve Levy.

How could something like this happen to such a bright young man? It really makes you Wonderlic.

Fun fact: Ken Griffey, Jr.'s shocked indignation to Norm's jokes resulted in a trip to the 60-day DL for whiplash-like symptoms.

+1

"It seems to me, that these two men played on opposite sides of the line, but that they had more than that in terms of being opposites."

What we've learned today:

"That genie's not fitting back in that bottle."

Meh. Still doesn't beat Bison Dele's brother's water dunk.

I know he wasn't always fat, Drew, but Marlon Brando has to make your coolest lardass list.

Well, you just knew that the nation of Haiti's luck would run out at some point.

Look Diamondbacks, I recognize that there a large number of Jewish optometrists, but simply referring to your team eye doctor as "a Schwartz" is borderline anti-Semitic.