I don’t think there’s ever been a bleaker Super Bowl matchup than Eagles vs. Patriots. Talk about a real “whoever wins, we lose” situation.

It’s all about DA SYSTEM, mang. Trust DA SYSTEM.

Would pet.

Sure, Obama’s in the center/center-left by today’s American political standards, but that’s only because the Overton window (to borrow a term from conservative pundits) has shifted so far to the right in this country since Reagan that he appears that way. I’d be in the center of American politics circa 1960, but that…

Which team are you referring to?

At least people actually go to see Brewers games.

Seems kind of strange that beer at Dodgers and Angels games would be so cheap.

Well, we’re all fucked. The world’s probably ending if Deadspin used “Bill Simmons” and “talent” in the same sentence.

I liked him up until he inexplicably became the poster boy for every frat bro in America.

Now that this is over, what was with all the weird “Brazil’s Choice: What A Loss In The World Cup Means For Brazil’s Legacy” articles from seemingly every sports site during this tournament? I was under the impression the US had historically reigned supreme in women’s soccer.

Funnily enough, I’m totally cool with vaccines and weird around microwaves.

Counterpoint: He was Captain Ron! My folks loved that movie so much, I’m pretty sure they both would’ve been willing to give up their parents to have Captain Ron for a dad even though he could only be their brother.

It’s going to suck when Blomkamp’s first Alien movie comes out and we’re treated to the story of a happy-go-lucky lil misunderstood creature who was raised to be evil, but really just wants to learn how to love.

Good karma.

One time a Drury Inn (legitimately good hotel breakfast, btw) I stayed at in some god-awful middle-of-nowhere hamlet in Georgia had a sign posted stating non-hotel guests could purchase a breakfast for $5. I would imagine that makes it even easier to get your breakfast without paying.

Who ever said living in Los Angeles was expensive? I can just take the subway up to Hollywood and start stealing food from all kinds of craft services tables. Thanks, Deadspin!

Once upon a time, I made a juice drink for a wealthy-looking professor-type dude at the organic grocery store I worked for; he attempted to tip me roughly twice what the drink cost after tax. The problem? We weren’t allowed to accept tips, since our store’s owner thought the privilege of being paid $8 an hour to work…

Where I come from in the Midwest, we tip our cows 20%.

“I gave him a massive tip...because my dick is massive! I have a dick! I’m a lady with a dick! Haha!” —Amy Schumer on Amy Schumer