Who ever said living in Los Angeles was expensive? I can just take the subway up to Hollywood and start stealing food from all kinds of craft services tables. Thanks, Deadspin!

Once upon a time, I made a juice drink for a wealthy-looking professor-type dude at the organic grocery store I worked for; he attempted to tip me roughly twice what the drink cost after tax. The problem? We weren’t allowed to accept tips, since our store’s owner thought the privilege of being paid $8 an hour to work…

Where I come from in the Midwest, we tip our cows 20%.

“I gave him a massive tip...because my dick is massive! I have a dick! I’m a lady with a dick! Haha!” —Amy Schumer on Amy Schumer

I wonder what deal Hinkie’s gonna score on this one.

Hahaha! Epic meme m’lord!

Yes, exactly like David Ortiz.

Haha, someone’s jealous.

E-102’s levels were some of the worst in the first Sonic Adventure, not counting Big The Cat and his “big bitey!!!!!!”s. PREPARATION COMPLETE!

Actually, most of the people screaming the loudest about “accepting all viewpoints” (not you, the people who think feminism is a monolith) are the folks who are about as absolutist as the conservatives and MRAs they claim to despise.

To paraphrase Roger Ebert, I really, really, really, really wanted this movie to end up being worthwhile. Jerry Maguire is an enjoyable movie (even if it is the poster child for Stuff White People Like) and I was desperately hoping Cameron Crowe would return to his old form, even with the leaked Sony emails. Not…

I don’t think much of what Taylor Swift’s done in the past few years qualifies as “nu-country”, but okay.

Are people actually looking forward to this movie? Saw a trailer for it when I went to see Mad Max: Fury Road and the dudes in it looked like they were having fun, but if I want to have an adventure with Bill Simmons’ buddies I’ll just call up my friends Blaze and Klown and go to our local dive bar.

Thanks! I was figuring the first time would’ve been the inaugural season, but wasn’t sure if there’d been any others since.

I’m probably having a brainfart and totally wrong, but this has to be the first NBA Finals between two rookie coaches in quite some time, no?

I love to criticize the writers on any Gawker property as much as the next guy, but “Bill Simmons Is A Shitty Writer” and that one about the 76ers’ “evil genius” GM were pure gold.

You’re right. Too bad my Dad wasn’t riding in the car with me or he would’ve been even more excited about that possibility.

First night I lived in Los Angeles, I was riding down the Sunset Strip with two of my best friends, looking like the dudes in the SNL Roxbury skit, when a Mustang pulls up next to us at a red light. I look over — clear as day, Ethan Hawke’s in the car.

I got laid off from a “game marketing” job because I wasn’t putting in as many fourteen-hour days writing copy about the virtues of a game getting slaughtered on Metacritic as my boss’s boss evidently would have preferred — and we weren’t even involved with the development side of things! I can’t even begin to imagine…