Proposal: a daily Deadspin feature on how whoever starts in right field for the Cardinals played that day relative to Giancarlo Stanton.

“Melania knows that I call my daughter my girlfriend. That’s what I was talking about. I don’t have a girlfriend,” he said.

Nope, pretty sure it makes that noise because it’s a Chrysler. It also does it when going forward or park. Sometimes with engine off.

So is the thread where we can finally talk about how the Dominican Republic came back yesterday from a 5-0 hole to beat the US? Because I had a pretty lame “United States Of Germain” joke all lined up.

You guys got Trump. We get the Switch. Fair trade?

Not all of us are go-getters who do more exercise than is required to lift a burrito. :|

Wearing a Jose Fernandez shirsey right now, actually.

I’ve been to mostly Jets games in regards to the NFL. I prefer the fans in front of me to stand while I sit. That way I don’t have to actually watch the Jets play.

It’s alright, Tom. Everyone gets early morning borners.

Your tears are delicious

Jesus, he has a refreshingly optimistic outlook on life after what he’s been through. I mean, have you been to Tucson?

Easy. David Attenborough.

Horniest team? The Swiss, you idiot.

Counterpoint.

You mean fun shit, you monster.

“She came to the London Olympics when she was fifteen years old. She left an Olympic champion. As she arrives in Rio, Katie Ledecky is considered one of the most dominant swimmers in the world.”

You’ve won three titles in five years.

How can I give this negative stars?

You know who looks great naked? Any woman that’s chosen to be naked in the same room as me.

Pickles? Opinion invalid. No wonder Texas sucks.