Force the Pats to be on Hard Knocks for the next two seasons. Belichick would lose his fucking mind.

"Throw some gravy on that sumbitch and sell it for six bucks!!!!!"

First league investigation of improperly deflated balls that didn't involve PED use.

Here's the thing that all the Paterno corpse fellaters fail to appreciate: Paterno could have ended this whole thing with one phone call. No, not to the cops or the school administration; to the media. You want justice in this country while maintaining your reputation? You call a fucking journalist and tell them…

The decision to vacate the wins was nearly two and a half years old, so it comes as no surprise that Penn State completely fucked it.

Oh for fuck's sake. THIS is the exact type of comment people are talking about when they talk shit about Jezebel commenters.

i told u I wanna check u out make sure i like the goods

You're misunderstanding the New England accent. To many outsiders, 's' sounds like 'th.' And, of course the last 's' is silent in most cases. Listen with new ears and I think you'll hear something a little different.

"New England scares me because of the bro factor" - Baltimore fan

She, however, appreciates the savings on Thug Friday.

Actually, that's exactly what it means.

Leave it to a creationist to start making shit up.

Appearances to the contrary, he's no Rocket Frog.

I love it so much when idiots accuse Gawker of constantly race-baiting, and then post comments to articles that have nothing to do with race, and don't mention race, and attempt to make it about race. And then fail to see the irony of it all.

Updated tips from Fox News

Maybe you should have just sucked it up and had sex in the old people's beds.

Also, yet another list on which the Browns finish last.

I have always suspected that all of Yoko Ono's weird tweets really just mean the same thing in Yoko Speak:

You are expecting me to trust Yelp. That is, I fear, a bridge too far.

Jizz is just one item in the cornucopia that is hobo pants stew.