I'm not really a super emotional person, but this really got me. I'm coming out of a very long period of severe depression following a sexual assault, and this line really spoke to me:

I think this one's my favorite:

Only the father was arrested?

It boggles my mind that only the father was arrested.

That was a goddamned masterpiece.

Go to Amazon. I don't know if it was one of us but check out the review titled "The Brown Wedding." Best Review Ever.

Galaga definitely. But he had Sinistar, Tempest, Battlezone, Tron and Star Wars, which would keep me happy for days and days.

Game over, man

Altria Pendragon AKA Saber from Fate series.

Thank you for this! I'd like to think she just told him a dirty joke.

Epluribus? As in "from many?" Sounds like a classicist was gang raped.

Just don't name your daughter after a city.

First problem, Hedly Mc-No-Quote-Evidence-For-His-Own-Position-Pants, as a Non-Christian who so obviously doesn't support Young Earth Creationism why are you attacking the position of someone who obviously wants to rid schools of this nonsense, too? My apologies, but the nitpicking and backbiting over side issues is…

On the bright side, this will make football really entertaining 18 years or so from now:

Which kind of makes it more adorable, because they weren't helping a celebrity. In their minds, it was just a person in need of help.

Looks like a few of these are in order:

Nothing (Paleo, Atkins, WW, Jenny Craig) is a "magic bullet". I hate people who tout whatever diet they are on as "the way" to health. BS. It's just like people who are convinced Crossfit or P90X or running or yoga is the best form of exercise. As long as you are moving around, eating healthy foods and being…

"I didn't know what they were"

Good thing the NBA didn't do that, then.

This is awesome... and creative and disgusting.