Any Jezzies out there who’ve quit drinking or are thinking about it? I haven’t been around in a while, but I wanted to pop in because I’m stoked that I haven’t had any booze in 5 months! So far I’ve lost 15 pounds and saved a couple thousand dollars. If you’re thinking about it, check out the stopdrinking subreddit.…

This is because Marco Rubio is a fuckless cunt.

Right? Back in the 90s, who would have thought Trent Reznor would age like fine wine, and Depp and Pitt would be scraggly old men? (Pitt less so than Depp, but still.)

Last night I was told by the owner of Red Hen in Lexington, VA to leave because I work for @POTUS and I politely left. Her actions say far more about her than about me

My sister lives in Bath right next door to the castle Nic Cage once owned when he was her nonexistent neighbor. They once foiled a burglary attempt at said castle by reporting the thieves making their way through their garden at seven in the evening.

Must we pretend that she ever cared about anything or anyone besides herself? She has not once used her whole ass to help other people, and she has been silent about all the unspeakable cruelty that her husband’s people can concoct. This contemptuous woman has earned our universal, collective disdain.

Melania is a garbage person. She is a “model” and knows something about clothing choices. This was a purposeful decision made by a racist birther that will make her racist birther husband happy/less enraged. This administration is so “fuck you” to everyone, and loves picking on people who can’t fight back. I CAN’T…

Ryan Gosling, Donald Glover, and Ezra Miller vying for the role of Wonka

Hey Hannah, or any other Jez writer - may I suggest you watch and cover the INCREDIBLE new comedy special on Netflix by Hannah Gadsby? She is one of our most special Australian treasures and it is the most gut wrenching thing I think I’ve ever watched.

But my emails.

I cried during the like ~30 second teaser for Christopher Robin when Pooh said his line about how Christopher Robin wasn’t cracked, just a bit wrinkled.

can we talk about how the best part of fantastic beast was the sexual tension between his character and creedence? and then they had to dupe us all turn him into JOHNNY DEPP

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY BOBBY THIS SHIT IS HAPPENING.

How dare you destroy the fragile narrative I have running in my head?

I appreciated how Bourdain evolved from the cheeky American asshole in Cook’s Tour to the more respectful “I want to be everyone’s friend” in No Reservations to the “food is just how I talk about the bigger stuff” guy in Parts Unknown. He cut down on the wisecracking (somewhat) and turned into someone who was…

I get it’s hard to have a private life while in the public eye.

Every time I see pics depicting a Trump in prison clothes, I have to remind myself that Arrested Development is actually fiction and not some Truman show re-write that we are all forced to live through.  

That is also the look of someone who went home and thought about the menu, probably dreamt about it as well

I will never forget or forgive the people that elected this baboon’s ass.