I think people need to understand the difference between "impossible" and "improbable." I'm not saying it's impossible to break your jaw in a fall. I'm saying it's unlikely.

How fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time out of his busy pants-dropping schedule to make hamburgers? Why don't you just hire a fry cook?

If this is true, I think my cat is Marina Abramovic in a thrift store fur coat.

I met my husband playing World of Warcraft.

Wow. I'm glad I didn't invite you to my Emmys party.

That is the perfect description. Like, you want to go home with him after the party, but you're about 45% sure he's gonna turn you into a lampshade once you're there.

No shit, you've got coke?

I see that, and raise you one

Do a lot of 13 year old boys get handjobs? That seems too young to me. I don't know. Maybe not. [dodders off]

I will be sending this to my sister in law tout suite! She is obsessed with Robin Thicke, especially because he is "so devoted to his wife." She is 44 years old, married for 13 years with 4 kids and she CANNOT STOP TALKING ABOUT ROBIN FUCKING THICKE as if he is the second coming of Jesus or something!

If you look at the highest point of the mountain on the right side of the video, at the beginning of the video, you can see the boulder come loose and start rolling.

i too am finally sober after years of prescription pain pill, and then heroin, abuse. i will have ten months clean in a week. though a run-in with the law is never sought after, it is sometimes just what we addicts need in order to truly hit rock bottom and beg for help. it took my parents having me arrested for…

Congratulations on your recovery, and here's to 53 more, and 53 more, and 53 more after that, and many more 53s.

I'm 53 days sober today after years of pain pill abuse, and after a stint in rehab this summer, just want to cry for him. Addiction. Fucking. Sucks. Nobody sets out to become an addict, and ... the guilt and shame I'm feeling now, seeing the mess I've made... ugh. This is their family issue, and I hope he can TCB soon…

YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US, MACKLEMORE.

Can't anybody do anything good anymore? It's either suspicious, or it's just not good enough.

I'd look miserable too if I got caught in public wearing a floral slipcover.

Good for you.