I'm happy for you, Internet Stranger. Your story made me feel warm and happy inside and I really, really want this to be a happy ending (beginning?) for you. <3

JESUS GOD WHY DID I READ THESE. I know beyond a shadow of a goddamn doubt that I am SUCH a fraidy-cat, and I went and read them anyway. I must hate myself. A lot. *runs and hides*

Sadly, I didn't get to. The worst thing I saw was a 5-year-old girl dressed as a vampire. (And by worst I mean I want 7 just like her.) A legit, classic, spooky old halloween vampire, with little blood tracks on her chin and a little suit and a cape with a high neck and everything. I said, "You're a vampire, aren't…

The laughter was inevitable on that one.

I wish I could say this to anyone that comes to my door with a racist costume: "Your costume is racist. Go figure out why. You get no candy."

My face is raining. I will buy all the necklaces.

I need lots of baby animals to bring me back from this.

My expression is horrified, though part of me wonders why I'm surprised at this information.

Wait, this is a thing that happens?

"I was a Medieval History major...the more eunuchs, the better."

I hope he doesn't turn into the Liberace of the 21st century, because from what I can tell, Liberace was kind of a dick.

Their ears. THEIR EARS.
So. Cute.

I like to chill my wine in the barren, frozen tundra that is my uterus.

Mine told me I needed a big peanut butter cookie today. In an effort to better understand what I truly need, I listened.

Yes. Yes, I do. I've read some new-age, granola-worshipping articles that said, "Just listen to your body, your body will tell you what it needs!" Bullshit, it will. I had a severe vitamin D deficiency and had no damn clue. I guess I missed the email. My heart rate is irregular and caused by stress, but I'll be damned…

makes me miss the few zits I used to get the few days before when I was younger.

I never have, but maybe I should. Thank you for the info!

THIS IS AWESOME. My shampoo is REALLY expensive.

Nope, no BC whatsoever (besides husband's vasectomy). No bio kids, either. I should talk with my gyno about it, I have an app on my iPhone that helps me track my periods, so I have tangible evidence to show her next time I see her.

My periods used to be time-your-watch regular when I was younger, but the older I get (I'm 28) the weirder they get. I'll have periods that make me want to curl up and die, I'll have periods that are so light, they almost don't feel like a period, and any combination in between. And my cycles now are anywhere from…