My expression is horrified, though part of me wonders why I'm surprised at this information.

Wait, this is a thing that happens?

"I was a Medieval History major...the more eunuchs, the better."

I hope he doesn't turn into the Liberace of the 21st century, because from what I can tell, Liberace was kind of a dick.

Their ears. THEIR EARS.
So. Cute.

I like to chill my wine in the barren, frozen tundra that is my uterus.

Mine told me I needed a big peanut butter cookie today. In an effort to better understand what I truly need, I listened.

Yes. Yes, I do. I've read some new-age, granola-worshipping articles that said, "Just listen to your body, your body will tell you what it needs!" Bullshit, it will. I had a severe vitamin D deficiency and had no damn clue. I guess I missed the email. My heart rate is irregular and caused by stress, but I'll be damned…

makes me miss the few zits I used to get the few days before when I was younger.

I never have, but maybe I should. Thank you for the info!

THIS IS AWESOME. My shampoo is REALLY expensive.

Nope, no BC whatsoever (besides husband's vasectomy). No bio kids, either. I should talk with my gyno about it, I have an app on my iPhone that helps me track my periods, so I have tangible evidence to show her next time I see her.

My periods used to be time-your-watch regular when I was younger, but the older I get (I'm 28) the weirder they get. I'll have periods that make me want to curl up and die, I'll have periods that are so light, they almost don't feel like a period, and any combination in between. And my cycles now are anywhere from…

That happens to me, too, and my husband clued me in to this trick: shampoo removes blood stains really well. Rub some shampoo on the stain, and throw in the wash next time you do laundry. This has worked WONDERS for saving all of my pretty underwear that I refuse not to wear just because I'm shedding uterine lining.

The last few voice-over lines, though...

Dodai, did you just discover the magical wonderness that is Pogo?! The first song of his for me was Alice, but this one sealed the damn DEAL:

I love you for posting this. I'm not going to be 30 for two more years, but I'm nervous about how it's going to feel to know that I'm in my third decade of life. That and our stupid, stupid society is constantly telling me that I'm too old RIGHT NOW.

Right there with you. I had a chocolate chip muffin for my second breakfast at work, and later I'm going to an aerial lesson. I feel pretty damn good about both.

My god, I'm so sorry. I need to remember what you've said, perhaps it will help me be more grateful instead of complaining so much. I'll never meet you, but you've changed me. Those few words stopped me in my tracks and you've impacted me deeply. I wish you so much peace and as much joy as possible in your remaining…

Please tell me this is not you...