This cheered me up immensely.

Hey guys, Good news to report!

My good news: I got biopsy results back on Thursday that confirm I do NOT have skin cancer!

"I am smiling."

Or kids with undiagnosed learning disabilities (like me, growing up); kids on the Autism spectrum, who, despite outside help and more time, were administered the same tests and received the same lower scores. I wasn't even aware of my ASD until I was 23 years old. I was never in an IEP, because my disability wasn't…

She's hover-handing. Should I be hover-handing?

Like all people, Kim Kardashian gets to feel however she wants to feel about her body., and the rest of us get to shut up about it.

I disagree. Sounds like a serious dick thing to say.

Based on your story, I'm almost certain she has antisocial personality disorder.

Was she the inspiration for Gone Girl?

I just want to remind everyone that when things like this happen in America, THEY ARE NOT A REFLECTION OF THE HABITS AND PREDILECTIONS OF WHITE AMERICANS.

By common area, do you mean "common area of the dorm" or "common area of the body?" If the former, then no. If the latter, then yes.

100% sure he is definitely a democrat actually.

The folks in Washington are apparently doing at home what Washington has been accused of doing to the American people.

This applies to you as well, Debbie Downer.

Hey Blackheart: why are you here? Go away and poison some petunias.

As a youngish person (23 - the oldest of younger siblings) who has lost a parent (and, more importantly, watched my mother lose her husband) not so long ago and is on the verge of losing my other parent...I can't help but feel moved. And oddly all that's happened has made me quite unmoveable. So...stupid as it is this…

Imma let you finish, but the original attack cat had the best family 911 call ever. I love the transcription.

With everything you said, plus it being Indiana, all I can think of is the Pawnee Goddesses: