If I wanted a box of non-perishable goods to magically show up in my lobby, I’d just order from Amazon. If I go to the corner store (because in Chicago, we have corner stores that are also sadly, without cats), it’s most likely because I need a box of tampons and pint of ice cream immediately.

The fruit is hanging low on the joke tree for this one, Ellie.

I don’t think enough people appreciate and realize that there is a Hell, Michigan. So I’m giving you a (belated) star.

So, if not now, then when is a good time? When Washington DC is under water?

I shop at New York and company for dressier/businessy stuff. They also do a nice opaque legging for chill time and always have sales. If you like a more structured look as opposed to the hobo chic stuff a lot of places are hawking. It’s hard to find clothes when you are 40. It’s like stuff is geared for 16 year olds…

This is some creepy ass 1984 level shit.

Lol. My parents are both godless heathens. My dad is at best a lapsed Catholic and most of the time an avowed athiest. My mom grew up in an AME household but I think the last time she went to church was 1983ish?

Can I tell you my parent’s Jehovah’s Witness story? The year was 1976. My sister was a baby (I was in the oven). The Witnesses pulled up to my parent’s house and parked on the side of it, right where they let the dog go bathroom. They live semi-rural and picking up poop out there is just not a thing. Anyhow, the…

Okay, I’m 40 years old and never knew this. And I know a lot of slangy shit. I’d say I suck for not knowing this, but that sets up all kinds of low-hanging fruit jokes that are just entirely too easy for the root commentariat to just destroy.

LMAO @ whitewalkers. +1.

All of my wine purchases are impulse buys.

Imma still get my butter from Aldi for like $0.79.

Clowns are creepy as shit. They’ve always been creepy as shit.

So, I’m wearing a pair of athletic pants today that have a reflective stripe on them, but only on the front. If a driver were to hit me from behind, he or she would not see the reflective stripe at all. So even if you have clothes with reflective elements on them, there is no guarantee that the manufacturer is going…

I’m playing Uncharted: The Lost Legacy and Jak & Daxter because it came free with the pre-order for Uncharted. I’m going to see if I can beat Uncharted before the GoT finale Sunday. I mean, I’ll play it again a second time slower. But, goals.

As a fan of the perfectly miserable Chicago Bears, I offer those of you in the greater Miami area my sincerest condolences.

My mother’s maiden name is Lynch. We’re black.

Yaaaass girl, Naked 3 for life. Those rosy colors are so flattering. Though, I look really good in oranges, so I’m looking to pick Naked Heat up once the Ulta across the street from my job restocks it. I can’t see myself wearing the Naked Smokey colors very much though.

Yaaaass girl, Naked 3 for life. Those rosy colors are so flattering. Though, I look really good in oranges, so I’m…

Depends on the personality of the cat. I had one cat who found us who never nipped or scratched or bit. My current cat sometimes likes to nip at me if I pet her for too long. But that furry little asshole is my heart and I love her to pieces. I have maybe 3 pictures of my husband on my cell phone, but 172,450 (give or…

I feel like corpulent, racist pustule would be an even better description for Bannon. A truly vile man.