Yeah, but I'm not really concerned with polarizing my audience.

He should be used to people absent-mindedly saying "Hey Dog" to him by now.

Are you one of those dudes who screams "RAAAAAAPE!!!!!!1!1!" into the headset whenever you get a satisfying kill in Call of Duty? Asking for a friend.

This is bullshit; they didn't even special order signs and party favors to say "Happy Bearthday."

"I...think...it's...more...fun...to...win...than...throw...alley-oops."

I choose death by curry.

Colonies...you mean like India, who supplies about 85% of the U.K.'s edible food? (the other 15% coming from a crepe shack in Hampstead in London)

I have a friend whose parents chose a whole new last name for themselves when they got married. Thoughts?

"Bad call, Braves. You were doing so well with "Stand up against bullying"; there was no need to drag people's perversions into it."

"HOOOLY FACKIN' SHIT I'M GETTIN' A HAWPPAH FROM DISH TV!!!!!"

Steve and Saartje...history makes strange bedfellows of us all.

I'd rather see him take on someone 15 times his size, to leave absolutely no doubt as to his fate.

Soft Eli, warm Eli, little ball of fur,

I move to give him the nickname "Tooth." Tooth Hertl.

You've got to be a smooth operator to pull one off like that. Really impressive to see how you did-it did-it did-it.

REPORTER: Jaeden, can you describe what we just saw there?

Jolly Ranchers (Original, because FUCK all other kinds) Colors, Ranked

How in the HELL does Lourawls Nairn Jr. not get a spot on the list? Give him a one-man "All 'You'll Never Find A Love Like Mine'/Colonial Penn Life Insurance Team," for chrissakes.

I am a son of people who lived in northern New Jersey and New York City—I'm a New York Mets fan—and I just love everything that that distinctive pronunciation connotes.