That closing picture tells the whole story. Those three look like they're standing in front of the Grand Canyon, which they're visiting for the umpteenth time. The Spurs are your favorite aunt and uncle, not the douchebags who keep you up at night because they're dating the best girls at school (i.e. the Heat). Their…

The Greatly Drunk One didn't play with Padraig Harrington in the tournament. Paddy is on the PGA Tour. Gretzky played with American Web.com Tour player Scott Harrington.

It's Insufferable PR Flackese for "A shit ton of people watch our network."

It looks less like a ship (to me, anyway) than some sort of bulky animal. Perhaps...a RHINOCEROS!

I like that. Mine's "Suq My Caulk."

My dad's family, whenever we have family reunions, plays a good amount of Scrabble (deafening silence) and Boggle (lots of yelling and cackling). I will attempt to play "FOOTBAW" against my stingy Aunt Karen in honor of this great essay.

"Let ME tell YOU about leaving big holes!"

Oh, I thought it looked like the Polo horse logo.

Are they edible? Sounds like it's time to rid the majority of American eaters of their aversion to escargots!

One of my favorite weekly articles on the Internet is the "What If?" article at XKCD.com, which takes innocent-seeming physics-related musings from the fans of the nerdy comics and answers them in great extremes using science. Some of the entries are hilarious.

Even Ray Allen thinks this is an excessive betrayal of tradition.

Tiger Woods is calling all the children home.

Thanks for that. Had no idea; gonna have to watch some Malick films soon.

I just discovered Animal Collective and Panda Bear within the last month or so. If you're saying that "To The Wonder" is a cinematic equivalent of an AC/PD album, I am there.

If there's a women's player who plays more like LeBron James than does Breanna Stewart, I for one will take nominations. That girl is very, very scary good. And she has three years left to run roughshod over women's college basketball.

Albrecht has no shot with Upton. She saw him shoot all of his wad in the first half of last night's game and subsequently prove ineffective in the second and had to have made the necessary connection.

Who doesn't love a good perestroikas?

Not even a Cards hat? I've worn my Mets hat at AT&T Park in San Francisco when the Mets were not the visiting team.

Honorable mention to Skyler White in "Breaking Bad," for a notable utterance of the word "fuck" on TV.

Fair enough about the Masters, but a LOT of people tuned in a couple months ago when Phil Mickelson had a putt to shoot 59 in a PGA Tour event. That's a biggun, even for non-golf nuts. Or so this golf nut would like to think.