Ah, I get such a smug sense of satisfaction when I do this. I use phrases like “completely misguided” and “entirely misplaced.” They know what it really means.

While I’ve never done that, I have wrote “Are you fucking kidding me” legal briefs, and boy are they satisfying to write. It’s always fun when you secretly write a brief so that “you fucking idiot” could go at the end of most declarative sentences.

The only part about being a lawyer that sounds appealing to me is to to write terse letters in lawyer-speak telling people to fuck off and die

I used to work in public housing/ housing vouchers, and I catch myself down this rabbit hole about how many families would have housing for what the government just pissed away. I’m a blue dot in a red state, and this was one of my points arguing to a conservative about why I’m a democrat. Don’t tell me that there’s…

That mock Belloq look is not doing her any favors. I mean that beyond the colonialism angle and whole Indian Jones villain aspect.  It’s a look that is probably best left in the 1930 and 1940s.

Um, she wasn’t though. He’s clearly poking fun at himself, the idiot who proposes to girls 5 minutes after meeting them. There was nothing mean-spirited about his joke. 

Plus, the joke was clearly self-deprecating. I’ve been saying it from the start that they’re both unstable and immature but Pete seems like the nicer one here, Ariana gives me mean girl vibes. Pete made some tasteless jokes but I guess it’s lost on people that joking about something isn’t the same as doing something. 

What the hell is with her clothing? Is she taking fashion tips from her husband? Her hat is too big. Her pants are way too tight around the waist (emphasizing her frass) and the legs look like they were borrowed from her husband’s suits. Shoulder pads died in the 80s. White suspenders, with a belt? Or white fake…

Yeah, I’m Team Pete on this one. He was doing a promo for Saturday Night Live, for fuck’s sake, which is a COMEDY SKETCH SHOW. Ariana Grande’s response was stupidly immature. Quite frankly, I give massive side-eye to anyone who airs their personal issues on a public forum, whether or not they’re a celebrity. The whole…

And $0 for an iron and a little spray starch.

For crying out loud! Pick a shade of cream and stick with it! With $95,000 to drop on a hotel, surely someone could have purchased fabric from the same lot to fashion this god-awful ensemble in the first place.

I am actually Team Davidson on this one. He was clearly making a dumb joke about his bad luck in love and the fact that their engagement was the literal definition of a media circus (and referenced several times on SNL already). Her clapping back just ... doesn’t sit right with me.

I refuse to believe that Justin Timberlake has interesting enough sex to need a safe word.

It’d be less offensive to me if Melania simply took $95,000 in cash, raked it into a giant pile and burned it. Jesus christ, I don’t get reimbursed for taking a client to lunch if I don’t have a receipt. What the fuck did all of that pay for?

The Right had a fit when Obama took a nap on Sundays or when Michelle went on a day trip to New York. They would complain about tax payer funded vacations and photo ops disguised as work. Meanwhile, the Trumps spend thousands a month on their trips, extra security for all of Donald’s spawn and Donald’s weekly golf…

Crew Cab F-150 with a 5 inch lift and Aftermarket Exhaust Gaines.

It’s like “A Tribe Called Quest” you have to say the whole thing.

COTD!

For those wondering, Crew is short for Crewstopher.

The two white dudes who essentially abandoned two women in a van to drown? Basically just got fired. Tell me again that this isn’t about skin color.

A new one every six months after crashing it or forgetting where they parked it and just buying a new one.

“During my education, I enjoyed many social exchanges with my fellow pupils. Some of these social exchanges included speaking, or not speaking while playing with electronics. I found all of my social time to be extremely pleasant.”