I’ll go with the paper cuts, thanks. I have a new tube of Neosporin and I’m ready to go. It would be much less painful than listening to anything Trump-related.

It’s a stupid joke about Hillary Clinton. I’m not going to repeat it here, but you can probably find it if you google it.

I remember that one! It’s terrifying.

Her parents may not have killed her themselves, but I’m convinced they were involved somehow, and they know what happened. It seems like they didn’t want the case to be investigated, and since they were rich people with connections, they got what they wanted.

This is the best thing ever. Can we bring back Futurama so they can do Trump’s head in a jar? It would be the best jar ever, nobody does the head in the jar better than Trump.

How does Trump find this people who are just as horrible as he is? Is it in their job description?

A small correction—Mateo is not in Chapel Hill. It’s in Durham.

That sounds amazing! Can you send me some?

I don’t think Trump can last another three months. He’s going to spontaeously combust (or maybe his head will explode). I’ll be very surprised if he makes it to Election Day without having a major meltdown.

I don’t think any jury would convict someone who beat the crap out of Andrew Wakefield. He is the worst. He is scum. He should be marooned on a deserted island where no one else has to hear the crap that spews out of his mouth. And not a nice island with coconut palms, either...one where his only companions are…

Welp, I might as well just go out and buy bigger pants right now. If it doesn’t get too soggy, I could throw this together at home and microwave it at work.

I used to read xojane not so long ago. They occasionally have something good (I do like Louise Hung and the Creepy Corner), and the rest of it is entertainingly bad. I quit after the recent unpleasantness from the woman who thought it was a good thing that her mentally ill “friend” died. That was really horrible.

So porn is a public health crisis, but they’re not all that concerned about the zika virus. What is wrong with these people?

That is horrible. She’s probably better off without those jerks anyway.

How can anyone not like sandwiches?

Sigh. My dream job. I would love to live where hedgehogs are wild. But we have chipmunks. They’re pretty cool too.

Where can I sign up for that? I’m the best at eating cinnamon rolls!

I would read that.

I just read the Guardian’s coverage of this, and it’s even more horrifying. The photo of her bloody face has already been posted here, and it’s just heartbreaking. She thought her sequined shirt made the alarm go off, and she offered to take that shirt off, and THE TSA WOULD NOT LET HER. Are you fucking kidding me?

I’m much too lazy to live in a mansion. Just thinking about it makes me tired. It would be like walking around a mall, all day every day. I would just hang up a hammock in the kitchen and stay there all the time. Which is okay, because the kitchen would be larger than my apartment. :-P