I just remembered...someone I know told me that his father had just had surgery, so he had a big bandage over the wound. The TSA insisted on actually feeling the bandaged area. You never know, he could be trying to smuggle in a bottle of water in that surgical incision!

And they don’t even catch people bringing through knives and other dangerous things.

Sari Koshetz of TSA released a statement alluding to the incident: “Passengers can call ahead of time to learn more about the screening process for their particular needs or medical situation.”

Good sharp cheddar, not sliced too thick. The sharpest cheddar you can find.

I didn’t word that very well—I meant all of the people who leave their dog’s poop on the sidewalk should have poop emoji tattoos. The badness of the toilet paper varies—if you don’t leave any toilet paper at all, that does deserve a poop emoji tattoo. Not refilling the ice trays is less bad (but do it anyway, because…

People who don’t clean up after their dogs are the same people who use all the ice and don’t refill the trays. They also use all the toilet paper and don’t replace the roll. They should all have to have the poop emoji tattooed on their foreheads so everyone knows their true nature.

I love a good lemony tea, but lemon and coffee just does not sound right. I’m not going to waste a good cup of coffee by trying this. If anyone else is brave enough, please let us know how it goes, and good luck to you and your taste buds!

With a little diet Cool Whip on top.

Chunky Monkey has bananas and walnuts. And chocolate chunks, which are good for your health, so chocolate really should be part of every breakfast. I also think rice krispie treats and Krackel bars are breakfast foods, because they contain cereal.

Oh, yes, let’s go back to the days when women’s job titles were gender-specific, and you could be an authoress or a laundress (of course those would pay less than their male equivalents—it helps to avoid the confusion if the laundress happens to have a unisex name, like Pat or Jess).

Trapped is so good. I loved all of those people. They’re working so hard, and they care so much about their patients. The doctor is awesome—his little spiel to his patients about how the law requires him to tell them certain things, but they’re not true. I hate that these people are in danger because of anti-abortion…

It’s amazing to me how some people have a complete lack of self-awareness. It’s like they’re missing a very important part of their brains, but somehow they manage to function without it.

No. They would have had to have sex for that to happen, and from their body language, I don’t think they have.

So, Swiftleston doesn’t seem to be aware of the first rule of fake celebrity relationships: it shouldn’t look obviously fake. They should be better at the game than this.

All of the above, probably.

Garnishing is when the government takes money out of your paycheck to pay for something you owe—child support payments, or money you owe to the IRS, for example. In this case, it would include fines and the taxes you owe. The IRS does not mess around, and if you don’t pay on time, they fine you. A lot. And make you…

So throwing Donald Trump off a building is not one of the options? What kind of world is this?

I didn’t even know I had a bite mark for a couple of days. I had some bumps on my arm, and when the swelling went down a little, there was a little tiny hole in the middle of each bump. It looked like I was bitten by Vampire Barbie. So then I had to hustle myself down to the ER to get the shots. (Where I live, you can…

I had to get rabies shots too (but I definitely did get bitten by a bat). There is no way that I would try some hokey alternative cure for rabies instead of getting those painful and expensive shots (seriously, the first round of shots, they gave me shots everywhere, including IN THE BITE. It was not fun.) Rabies is…

Ooops, I forgot—can’t talk about his hair, or I might get sued. Just pretend you didn’t read that.