There are worse things than being arrested. You did more than most people would have done, and her life is probably better because of it.

You are a hero. Thank you.

My mother used to get a newsletter from an organization that had a tally for every TV show of every swear word, anything sexual (innuendos included), and other offensive things. That means that someone had to sit down and watch these TV shows very closely—no sneaking out to the kitchen to get some pretzels and beer.…

Gotta cover up those dirty pillows!

It's your own fault for watching a Tan Mom video. As a very wise person once said, "Never watch a Tan Mom video. It will traumatize you and encourage her."

She probably has said something very similar to "let them eat cake." Let me find that page of Goop quotes and I'll get back to you.

Anyone who says "the common woman" is about as far from the common woman as you could possibly get. Seriously, who likes being called "the common woman?"

What an ass.

I used to get Birchbox, and it was fun, but I have too many samples now. I need to take a break for a while. I have to be super-organized, because I forget what I have and it goes bad before I use it.

God. Has she never heard of the circle of life? Animals kill each other all the time. And they eat each other. That's how they stay alive. Also, ducks are delicious.

I love to cook, but I can't deal with sauce/pudding/gravy/anything that needs to be thickened. I just can't do it. It's the most frustrating thing in the world. Most of my biggest meltdowns are food related. I may have flung some dough across the kitchen, but I live alone, so no one knows but me.

Something like this happened to me in St. Louis. Fuckers closed the exit to the interstate with no warning. There were signs for miles that an exit to a street was "partly closed" but absolutely nothing about the interstate being closed until I was at that exit and had no idea how else to get there. You'd think a few…

I'm on Rachel's side. Those tomatoes are atrocious. I'd be mad if I got tomatoes that sad-looking at Subway.

He's as sharp as a sack of wet mice.

Lindsay Graham is as sharp as a sack full of wet mice.

That is awesome. Where I work, that would be a very short list.

I don't even really understand what he's trying to say here. It would seem to imply that she was disgusting before the plastic surgeries, which would mean that the surgery was a good thing, right? What a dumbass.

You should see their website. It's like a parody, but unfortunately it's for real.

Except for the Oompa Loompa in the middle!

I want honey Jelly Bellies but I don't think they make them anymore. They got me hooked, and now they're gone. :-(